Building Words; Building Blocks

It had been a frustrating morning of sibling squabbling, mean words and general not-niceness toward one another, and I was desperate to find a way to foster some kindness between the kids.

Since they (like most kids) love building anything, there were ample building toys available.  Frazzled and desperate, I grabbed the closest materials at hand…those life size cardboard blocks that are generally red, blue and yellow and look like bricks.  (But any building blocks would work for this activity.)

“Let’s build something!” I said.

“Great!” responded my children, in unison for the first time that day.

“In order to get the materials you need to build your towers–” I began…

“I’m building a parking garage” interrupted one child.

“…as I was saying, in order to build whatever it is you’re going to build, you have to earn your bricks by saying something you like or love about your sister and brother.”

Blank stares.

“Kevin, tell me something nice about Adrienne.”

Tick tock. Tick tock.

“Kevin, what is something you like about Adrienne?”

Slowly, quietly, looking at me, he uttered, “Adrienne, I like that you comfort me when I’m scared at night.”

“Not bad,” I thought as I handed him a brick. “Good job…can you say that again, this time to your sister, not me?”

He obliged and his sister gave a smile and responded, “Well, that’s okay Kevin coz I’m just brave and you’re scared.” (Mental note, work on teaching kids to be graceful when accepting a compliment…but one lesson at a time.)

“Ok,” I interjected.  “Now it’s your turn, Adrienne.  What is something you like about Kevin?”

Well, I’ll let you fill in the rest of the scene.  It took about a half an hour, but it was sure fun.  For each compliment, they received a brick to add to their building.  The kids got more creative (and more sincere) with every few comments.  I had to assist them a little with some things, as they tended to say the same comments just in different ways (for example, Kevin stated about four times that he liked that Adrienne helped him not be scared at night) so if they got stuck I helped out by giving ideas such as, “Adrienne, do you remember if Kevin did something good at his soccer game the other day?”

When Adrienne made an especially nice and sincere comment about Kevin, I rewarded her with two bricks; that “change” added an element of surprise to the game.

You can take this lesson a step further if you desire, and actually “wreck” their building when they’re done. Tearing down what they just worked so hard to build really illustrates that one thoughtless or mean comment can destroy something so easily.  It gives them a visual that they can grasp. But be warned, this can also trigger a slew of tears from little ones who are proud of what they just built.  So, choose the right moment to use the “tearing down” version of the game.

There you have it! Next time you’ve had it with your kids bickering, insulting and fighting, get out the bricks and teach them to use their words to build, not destroy.

-posted by Donna Venning, who thinks building others up with kind words is something we can all work on. Say three kind things to your spouse today!