I need a time out!

I threw in the proverbial towel. My children looked at me with wide eyes wanting to know why mommy suddenly quit. I started to realize how foolish my declaration sounded, so in a calmer voice I informed my kids that mommy simply needed a time out. Again, the looks.

My oldest finally asked, “What did you do?” I had no idea what he was asking. “I’m not sure I understand you, sweetie. Can you ask me in a different way”? His younger brother looked at him as if the wisdom of the world rested on his seven year old shoulders. “I mean, why are you in trouble? We get time outs when we make bad choices. What did you do?”

I was upset that I had spent the entire day cleaning my house, rearing my children and then topped it off by making a pleasing meal only to have nothing to show for at the end of the day. For a minute I was yearning for the old life, the life where I was on top and in control and not at the whim of three little ones.

As soon as I had the bathroom clean and moved on to my next task my five year old had the sudden thought that finger painting on the mirror with toothpaste would be a grand use of time and exploration. He also followed me around all day negotiating all the boundary lines I had put into place.

My 18 month old daughter found a green crayon that had rolled underneath the couch and decided to do her version of a Van Gogh on our slider window. I discovered her when coming out of the laundry room looking at me sheepishly with green shavings around her mouth. We won’t even go there!

My oldest spilled milk all over our carpet in the dining room while pouring a glass (more like a tableful!) I spent the rest of the evening dealing with children who refused to eat a perfectly good dinner but at the same time didn’t want to go to bed hungry. Oh, I could not wait for them to go to bed!

My son’s question made me realize that I was focusing on the accomplishment, needing to see immediate results in order to justify what I do each day. Somehow I got into a place where I needed instant gratification in order to feel like a good mother and wife. I did not feel like I had done anything but battle since I woke up.

My mom use to always tell me that what I feel is real, it is indeed my reality but is not always based on truth and that in fact, the two rarely get along with each other. As always, my mom’s words of wisdom were so right.

Although I felt I did not accomplish anything, the truth is I accomplish more in one day than what I can immediately see. I shape, form and fasten the characters of three precious children each and every day. They do not realize this now, but one day they will. My children are currently a raw resource in the process of becoming a grand piece of art and I am the artist.

- posted by Miss Jesikah, who is still trying to figure out what makes crayons so tasty and dinner yucky!