Just because you deserve something funny to read today.

Here are most up-to-date definitions of some traditional musical terms:
ALLREGRETTO - When you’re 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo
ANGUS DEI - To play with a divinely beefy tone
A PATELLA – Accompanied by knee-slapping
APPOLOGGIATURA - A composition that you regret playing
APPROXIMATURA - A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an “I meant to do that” attitude
APPROXIMENTO - A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch
CACOPHANY - A composition incorporating many people with chest colds
CORAL SYMPHONY - A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven’s Caribbean Period
DILL PICCOLINI - An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes
FERMANTRA - A note held over and over and over and over and. . .
FERMOOTA – A note of dubious value held for indefinite length
FIDDLER CRABS - Grumpy string players
FLUTE FLIES - Those tiny mosquitoes that bother musicians on outdoor gigs
FRUGALHORN - A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument
GAUL BLATTER  – A French horn player
GREGORIAN CHAMP – The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest
GROUND HOG - Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won’t let anyone else play it
PLACEBO DOMINGO - A faux tenor
SCHMALZANDO –  A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band
THE RIGHT OF STRINGS - Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists
SPRITZICATO - An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound
TEMPO TANTRUM - What an elementary school orchestra is having when it’s not following the conductor
TROUBLE CLEF – Any clef one can’t read: e.g., alto clef for pianists
VESUVIOSO – An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion
VIBRATTO – Child prodigy son of the concertmaster
AN-DANTE - A tempo that’s infernally slow
ANTIPHONAL - Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall
BAR LINE – What musicians form after the concert
BASSO CONTINUO – When musicians are still fishing long after the legal season has ended
BEN SOSTENUTO – First cousin of the second trombonist
CADENZA - Something that happens when you forget what the composer wrote
CANTABILE – To achieve a complaining sound, as if you have a sour stomach
COL LEGNO  – an indication to cellists to hold on tight with their lower extremities
CON SORDINO – An indication to string players to bow in a slashing, rapier motion
ESPRESSIVO – Used to indicate permission to take a coffee break
L’ISTESSO TEMPO - An indication to play listlessly (e.g., as if you don’t care)
MAESTRO - A person who, standing in front of the orchestra and/or chorus, is able to follow them precisely
OPERA BUFFA - Musical stage production performed by nudists
PASTORAL – The beverage to drink in the country when listening to Beethoven with a member of the clergy
PESANTE – An effect distinctly non-upper-class
PIZZICATO – Too much coffee — time to take a break
RUBATO - A cross between a rhubarb and a tomato

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who likes these definitions much better than the originals.

Posted on Sunday, May 17th in Bits and Pieces.
Tags: Miss Analiisa