The Capricious Nature of Time

Ok, I admit I’m now in the camp of those who are looking back at diapers, sippy cups and cheerio encrusted car seats. And I recall a good friend telling me how quickly the season of life with LITTLE ones goes by. No, I wasn’t offended and I didn’t blow off her sage advice to appreciate it all. I tried best I could to observe, savor and fully live those days such that I would have no regrets. HOWEVER….

That didn’t change the fact that in the midst of those baby days, some were down right excruciating. A day that felt more like a thousand years. The watched pot that never boils. You’ve been there. You know.

The funny way that time S-L-O-W-E-D down to a crawl still mystifies me, especially now that it has revved up where years whizz by. (How in the world could I possibly have 10 and 8 year-old children?) I remember like yesterday one day that I was pacing at the window, babe in arms, eagerly watching for Jon to arrive home from work. He usually pulled into the driveway close to 5:30 pm. Yeah, I know I was lucky. 5:30pm came and went and the minutes ticked by. I had mustered every bit of energy I had to survive until 5:30. The day had been relentless. You know the type. Baby wakes up early. Short nap if any. Fussing. Crying. Rare moments of peace. Or at least I perceived it that way. So at 5:30, I was done. Completely spent. And as the minutes dragged by, I was in tears. At the end of my rope. Finally, my rescuer husband walked in the door to a sobbing mess. And guess what time it was—5:35! No kidding.

Wow. How humiliating to admit that. But it really happened. Time. What a funny thing.

While we’re being vulnerable here…another day, another kid later. Up early with the two of them. A regular week day. “Bye honey. See you tonight.” Kisses all around. We ate breakfast, watched “Clifford” on TV. Played on the floor. Read books. Played blocks….I don’t know what all. But it seemed as though we’d had a full morning. Now I was looking forward to afternoon nap time—a touch of peace and quiet after lunch for me– if I was lucky. I glanced up at the clock and to my utter shock and dismay it was 10:00 AM! How I am ever going to make it through this day, I wondered. You know. You’ve been there.

When I look back on those days, growing fuzzier in my memory as the years layer rapidly on top, I am hesitant to condemn my tears, frustrations or the clock. It was what it was. And thankfully not all days were tough. We had our share of the wondrous, baby magazine days where we lived up to my best imaginations of motherhood and ended the day with coos and smiles. But even in those, the clock seemed to meander a bit, surprising me occasionally with a little spurt forward but rarely in a rush. Sounds kinda like childhood, huh? And maybe that’s exactly why time behaves like it does during those years. It needs to.

-posted by Donna Mershon Detweiler who, ironically, is now spending time trying to figure out how to slow down her life.