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Archive for the ‘Child Development’ Category

Jan
29

Challenging Behavior: Helpful Words

Posted in Child Development, Family, parenting

So far, we’ve talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline, and tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
  • Am I being respectful or patronizing?
  • Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
  • Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
  • Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

 It is important to provide a connection before correction:

  1. State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
  2. Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
  3. State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
  4. Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
  5. Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
  6. Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
  7. Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
  8. Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
  9. Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
  10. Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

  • Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
  • Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
  • Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
  • Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted  by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Jan
28

Challenging Behavior: What to do when someone flips their lid.

Posted in Child Development, parenting

Yesterday, I talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline. Today, I want to give you some tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

Tips for when YOU have flipped your lid:

  • Recognize what it feels like physically: fast heart beats, redness of the face and neck, sense of urgency. Learn your body’s warning signs.
  • Recognize what it feels like mentally: An inability to think calmly and clearly. Thoughts that repeat or go in circles. A sense of urgency
  • Take a time out from the situation and calm down: Recognize that continued engagement won’t help. Take a moment to calm down and breathe. Remove yourself.
  • Focus on your breathing: Do it slowly. In and out.
  • Use large muscles: walk, run, bike, do push-ups, or yoga. Anything to keep yourself moving.
  • Try engaging your cortex: Do mental math, count backwards, list facts. Anything to slow the pace.
  • Notice why you’re in “survival mode.” This situation makes me feel vulnerable because I’m not being heard, I’m not being respected, etc. Don’t take it personally. Your brain thinks it’s about survival, when it really isn’t.

Tips for when THEY have flipped their lid (child or adult):

  • Watch for signs in the other person: Intense emotions, disjointed sentences, irrational action, flushed/red face.
  • Notice your body: Use those mirror neurons. Get down on the child’s level. Be calm and speak slowly. Use simple words. This makes it easier for them to calm down too. Don’t let their “flipped lid” catch you off guard.
  • Remember safety: People unable to use their cortex act irrationally and can be physically dangerous. Be calm, stay aware, and move slowly.
  • Acknowledge feelings: Use few words and speak slowly. “I can tell you’re frustrated” or “I see tears running down your face, you must be sad.”
  • Talk TO them not AT them: Don’t make fast movements. They may want to be touched or they may not want to be touched, be aware of what their body language is telling you. If they want to leave (and it is safe), let them.
  • Give them space, don’t crowd: Don’t give complicated directions (they cannot process them), keep it simple. Don’t demand from them.
  • Invite them to take a CDT (Cool Down Time): This is similar to a time-out, but instead is non-punitive. This works best as an option, not a command.
  • Simple tasks engage his/her cortext: Ask him how his name is spelled. Ask her to count to ten. Math and literacy are both great ways to do this.
  • Ask for their help: Finally, when they begin to de-escalate, change their focus by asking for their help. “I can tell you aren’t ready to play yet, but can you help me get these things from the cupboard?” or “I know you can’t go back to work yet, but could you help me by…?”

The foundation of the tools to helping young children self-regulate is the relationships we build with them. Discipline means not just what we do during moments of challenging behavior, but how we encourage children to be better people. This is a concept adopted from Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Positive discipline

inspire with courage.”

We do this by helping children self-evaluate themselves (“tell me about it” or “what do you think?”). Instead of conformity (“you did it right”, “I’m so proud of you”), build empathy (“I can see you enjoyed that”, “what do you think and feel?”). Appreciate them by being specific (“I appreciate your help with…” or “who can show me the proper way to sit?”).

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some helpful words and phrases to use in the process of discipline.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who takes some hot tea to a quiet corner when he’s flipped his lid.

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Jan
27

What do I do about challenging behavior?

Posted in Child Development, Education, parenting

It’s the mystery of not just childhood, but all human behavior. As we get older, we learn how to communicate our needs and regulate our emotions. But how, then, do we teach our children these skills? Why does challenging behavior happen? Where does it happen? How do we look for it? And most importantly, what do we do about it?

We want to understand:

  1. how we make meaning of our experiences
  2. how challenging behavior is a solution to a different problem
  3. what are the practical tools for young children to self-regulate
  4. the recovery tools in developing minds
  5. how to use several tools for improving relationships with young children

As irrational as it sometimes appears, we know that behavior is always purposeful. The purpose of behavior is to find belonging (a sense of connection) and meaning (significance). People make decisions based on how they perceive the world. A perception leads to an interpretation which leads to a belief, and then a decision based on that belief which leads back to a new perception. Children do this all the time. They use their senses to make interpretations. “How heavy is this block?” “What does tomato soup smell like?” “I can see steam; that must mean it’s hot.” “When I see a black bird, I notice it makes a certain sound.” Children make these interpretations in an effort to organize the world around them.

So when there is a “problem,” it really is a solution to another problem that we just are not aware of yet. A child who is “misbehaving” is, rather, discouraged. Children want to feel a sense of community. Being in one and contributing to it. We need to teach children ways to accomplish their goals that are appropriate and safe. By encouraging a child instead of discouraging them, we give them the power to solve problems autonomously.

This happens when we:

  • Teach life skills to children.
  • Pay attention to the power of perception.
  • Focus on encouragement (connection and presence with  children).
  • Be kind and firm at the same time.
  • Look to mutual respect. Respect for yourself. Respect for the situation. Respect for the needs of the child.
  • Celebrate mistakes as opportunities to learn.
  • Look to solutions rather than punishment.

These are the building blocks for effective discipline. Parents struggle with this word all the time. “What is discipline and how can I be sure it’s appropriate?” Taken from Adler, a prominent child developmentalist, effective discipline helps children feel a sense of community by being mutually respectful and encouraging. What is the child thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about herself in her world? What does he do in the future to survive and thrive? So it is effective long term. Discipline teaches important social and life skills such as respect for others, problem solving, cooperation, and contributing to the world around him. It also helps a child to discover how capable she truly is.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about some tips for when that mid-brain takes over and the challenging behavior comes out. There are tips for when your child “flips her lid” and for when YOU flip your lid.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who is a Preschool Director in his other, non-Kindermusik life!

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Jan
6

When it comes to your child’s education, why music matters.

Posted in Child Development, Education, Music and the brain

I’m a Suzuki momma. I have a flute playing 7th grader. And my 6 year old uses a glockenspiel in her Kindermusik Young Child class. To me, music is as important to children’s development as eating your vegetables. And your fish. And getting enough vitamin D. Oh, and washing your hair when you are a pre-adolescent and don’t take a shower voluntarily anymore.

In fact, as I write this, I am sitting here doing my best to force motivate my violin player through his practice.  It’s not always easy. He’d rather be playing Xbox, or tug-a-war with his dog, or making up stories with his Halo Megabloks – anything but practicing. (Except, well, taking a shower and washing his hair, of course.)

But I know something he doesn’t. Finnish researchers (Did you know my maiden name was Koivisto? Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I like these scientists so much) have just developed a new method that shows the wide neural networks (including motor, emotions and creativity) that become activated all over the brain as music is listened to. Now scientists have an even better way to understand how music affects us.

Just like eating your vegetables and fish and getting enough vitamin D have a profound impact on my children’s physical health and development, regular music lessons/classes from an early age increases my children’s ability to learn. That’s a scientific fact, not just my opinion.

Here are a few examples of how scientists and researches believe music helps the brain:

  • Studies have shown that music lessons/classes assist the brain to process sounds more efficiently. This means that when your child is trying to stay focused on reading a history text in a noisy classroom, he or she will have an easier time concentrating than a non lesson taker.
  • Fast forward to a grown up job in one of those tiny cubicles. Multi-tasking and concentrating in a busy, loud office is an essential skill, one your violin player is much more likely to have.
  • One researcher has found that the silence between two musical notes triggers the brain cells and neurons, which are responsible for the development of sharp memory.
  • Other studies demonstrate that children who undergo musical training have a better verbal recall than those who have none. The amount of information that can be recalled increases the longer their period of musical training.
  • Learning a second language is mandatory for high school graduation. Musicians are much better than non musicians at discerning the subtleties in pitch in foreign languages. This is especially helpful for tonal languages, like Mandarin.
  • Coordination and concentration are also improved when a child takes instrument lessons. Think about what a flute player does all at the same time – moves both hands, reads music, listens to the players around him, watches the conductor – that’s a lot to coordinate!
  • We know that music stimulates the areas of the brain that are responsible for planning and analyzing, thereby improving your organizational skills and making you more capable of handling math, reasoning and other cognitive tasks.
  • And I think most importantly, when a child masters a piece of music or a difficult technique, it provides a sense of accomplishment, and gives a boost in confidence that spills over into all areas of life and produces a desire to tackle more challenges.

I want my children to grow up and have a good work ethic, an eagerness to try new things, the ability to reason and think, and the confidence that they can successfully navigate life.  The music they participate in now will help them accomplish just that.

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who is going to make salmon burgers tomorrow night for dinner. After she wrestles her violin-playing 9 year old into the shower in the morning.

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Dec
28

How Can I Help My Child to be a Book Worm?

Posted in Child Development, Education, parenting

I love reading. I love to read the newspaper, the signs on the sides of buses, scary thriller novels, funny autobiographies, historical fiction, or even the nutrition facts on the label just because the words are there! In fact, I remember growing up and seeing my mother and father reading. Sometimes I would say, “Can we play outside, please?!” and my mom would simply turn to me and say “Not now dear, I’m reading. But I will play outside with you when I am done.”

Looking back, those words were so important for me because I knew that my mom valued reading for pleasure. Now, as an educator, I think about how can children learn to read for pleasure. How do they develop a love for reading?

Reading involves two major processes: comprehending (what words mean) and decoding (recognizing and sounding out words). Children begin these processes far before Kindergarten. We call this phonological awareness and alphabet knowledge. Phonological awareness is a rather broad term that also includes the more familiar term phonemic awareness. When a person has phonological awareness, he or she can recognize the sound structure of speech, or in other words, the ability to perceive word sounds and to pronounce parts of words.

Even infants do this! They are starting this when they babble. You sit with your baby in your lap and you say “bah, bah, baaaah” or “zu, zu, zu.” At ages 3 and 4, children can already hear rhymes like small, ball, tall and also alliterations like fast, free, foam, flick. Practicing these skills helps them to break down words. Later, at ages 5 and 6, they can break down words into syllables, identify sounds of words, and even hear different sounds in the middle of words too. In preschool, we play with words all the time. Maybe we will be reading a book by Dr. Seuss and make up as many rhymes as we can to the word lorax or schloot. We’ll sing songs that rhyme and separate the rhyming words. We also say rhymes during circle time or on the way to outside. Here’s a rhyming finger play as an example:

                Two little black birds sitting on the hill (hold up both index fingers)
                One named Jack and the other named Jill (wiggle one, wiggle the other)
                Fly away Jack, fly away Jill (put one hand behind your back then the other)
                Come back Jack, Come back Jill (bring back one hand, then the other)

We’ll even ask children what else the black birds are sitting on. Maybe they’re sitting on a pot and one is named Jack and the other is named Snot! Children love being silly with rhymes and it helps them enjoy reading when it can be silly. That way when they come to a book, they remember the rhyming words they sang about earlier.

Alphabet knowledge is also really important for little readers. Young children are engaged in representing familiar objects and actions in a variety of ways, including writing. After all, reading and writing go together, we don’t learn them separately. Children easily love writing as much as reading. They see us write! They examine texts on signs, in books, on the way to school, at the park, everywhere! They are learning how to recognize and name familiar letters, especially those in their own name.

“The word ‘stop’ as a ‘T’ in it, just like my name!”

By experimenting with these letters, they start to write actual letters of words that are significant to them. Even if you feel like you can’t bare another read through of Goodnight Moon for the 5th time that night, just remember that your child is developing a love for reading by bonding with you in your arms as you read together. Explore letters by using alphabet puzzles, magnetic letters, alphabet games, blocks, stamps, stencils, and charts. We want them to play with these manipulatives and have fun with them. Play Alphabet Yoga together and go through some of their favorite letters by posing as the letter with your whole body!

Finally, when you read with your child, open up a dialogue throughout the book. This is called Dialogic Reading. Research has shown that the way we read with children is just as important as how frequently we read with them. When a child is an active participant in the story, they retain it better. They also show greater gain in vocabulary then when you simply read the book straight through. So when you read, have a conversation about the story. Let them talk and don’t interrupt them, even if it’s hard. Children can take a while to process information before they speak it out loud. In your head, after you ask a question, count three alligators.

There are many ways to engage a child in dialogic reading.

The first thing to remember is to ask them questions, and evaluate what they say. Then expand on their response and repeat what they say. For example, maybe you’re reading Where the Wild Things Are. You might turn to a page and ask “why do you think Max is upset?” They might say “because he had to go to his room without his supper.” Then you might expand on this by saying “wow, I can understand how he feels. Would you feel upset too if that happened to you?”

If a child knows a book really well, leave parts of it blank. Let them finish the sentences. This works especially well for books that rhyme.

You can also recall parts of the book. “Wait, why is Max upset?”

Last, be sure to ask your child open-ended questions such as “tell me what’s going on in this picture.” Open-ended questions help children increase expressive language and attention to detail. Children also love to relate the story to their own lives. “Wow, I have a monster suit just like Max!”

These strategies are a few that will help your child be a little book worm. Helping children to develop a love and appreciation for reading now will go a long way. And don’t forget to have them see you read too! After all, when children know that you love reading, they will too.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who leaves you with a favorite quote by Dr. Seuss: The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

 

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