In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
• Am I being respectful or patronizing?
• Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
• Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
• Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

 It is important to provide a connection before correction:

1. State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
2. Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
3. State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
4. Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
5. Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
6. Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
7. Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
8. Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
9. Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
10. Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

• Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
• Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
• Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
• Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted  by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tips for when YOU have flipped your lid:

• Recognize what it feels like physically: fast heart beats, redness of the face and neck, sense of urgency. Learn your body’s warning signs.
• Recognize what it feels like mentally: An inability to think calmly and clearly. Thoughts that repeat or go in circles. A sense of urgency
• Take a time out from the situation and calm down: Recognize that continued engagement won’t help. Take a moment to calm down and breathe. Remove yourself.
• Focus on your breathing: Do it slowly. In and out.
• Use large muscles: walk, run, bike, do push-ups, or yoga. Anything to keep yourself moving.
• Try engaging your cortex: Do mental math, count backwards, list facts. Anything to slow the pace.
• Notice why you’re in “survival mode.” This situation makes me feel vulnerable because I’m not being heard, I’m not being respected, etc. Don’t take it personally. Your brain thinks it’s about survival, when it really isn’t.

Tips for when THEY have flipped their lid (child or adult):

• Watch for signs in the other person: Intense emotions, disjointed sentences, irrational action, flushed/red face.
• Notice your body: Use those mirror neurons. Get down on the child’s level. Be calm and speak slowly. Use simple words. This makes it easier for them to calm down too. Don’t let their “flipped lid” catch you off guard.
• Remember safety: People unable to use their cortex act irrationally and can be physically dangerous. Be calm, stay aware, and move slowly.
• Acknowledge feelings: Use few words and speak slowly. “I can tell you’re frustrated” or “I see tears running down your face, you must be sad.”
• Talk TO them not AT them: Don’t make fast movements. They may want to be touched or they may not want to be touched, be aware of what their body language is telling you. If they want to leave (and it is safe), let them.
• Give them space, don’t crowd: Don’t give complicated directions (they cannot process them), keep it simple. Don’t demand from them.
• Invite them to take a CDT (Cool Down Time): This is similar to a time-out, but instead is non-punitive. This works best as an option, not a command.
• Simple tasks engage his/her cortext: Ask him how his name is spelled. Ask her to count to ten. Math and literacy are both great ways to do this.
• Ask for their help: Finally, when they begin to de-escalate, change their focus by asking for their help. “I can tell you aren’t ready to play yet, but can you help me get these things from the cupboard?” or “I know you can’t go back to work yet, but could you help me by…?”

The foundation of the tools to helping young children self-regulate is the relationships we build with them. Discipline means not just what we do during moments of challenging behavior, but how we encourage children to be better people. This is a concept adopted from Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Positive discipline

inspire with courage.”

We do this by helping children self-evaluate themselves (“tell me about it” or “what do you think?”). Instead of conformity (“you did it right”, “I’m so proud of you”), build empathy (“I can see you enjoyed that”, “what do you think and feel?”). Appreciate them by being specific (“I appreciate your help with…” or “who can show me the proper way to sit?”).

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some helpful words and phrases to use in the process of discipline.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who takes some hot tea to a quiet corner when he’s flipped his lid.

We want to understand:

1. how we make meaning of our experiences
2. how challenging behavior is a solution to a different problem
3. what are the practical tools for young children to self-regulate
4. the recovery tools in developing minds
5. how to use several tools for improving relationships with young children

As irrational as it sometimes appears, we know that behavior is always purposeful. The purpose of behavior is to find belonging (a sense of connection) and meaning (significance). People make decisions based on how they perceive the world. A perception leads to an interpretation which leads to a belief, and then a decision based on that belief which leads back to a new perception. Children do this all the time. They use their senses to make interpretations. “How heavy is this block?” “What does tomato soup smell like?” “I can see steam; that must mean it’s hot.” “When I see a black bird, I notice it makes a certain sound.” Children make these interpretations in an effort to organize the world around them.

So when there is a “problem,” it really is a solution to another problem that we just are not aware of yet. A child who is “misbehaving” is, rather, discouraged. Children want to feel a sense of community. Being in one and contributing to it. We need to teach children ways to accomplish their goals that are appropriate and safe. By encouraging a child instead of discouraging them, we give them the power to solve problems autonomously.

This happens when we:

• Teach life skills to children.
• Pay attention to the power of perception.
• Focus on encouragement (connection and presence with  children).
• Be kind and firm at the same time.
• Look to mutual respect. Respect for yourself. Respect for the situation. Respect for the needs of the child.
• Celebrate mistakes as opportunities to learn.
• Look to solutions rather than punishment.

These are the building blocks for effective discipline. Parents struggle with this word all the time. “What is discipline and how can I be sure it’s appropriate?” Taken from Adler, a prominent child developmentalist, effective discipline helps children feel a sense of community by being mutually respectful and encouraging. What is the child thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about herself in her world? What does he do in the future to survive and thrive? So it is effective long term. Discipline teaches important social and life skills such as respect for others, problem solving, cooperation, and contributing to the world around him. It also helps a child to discover how capable she truly is.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about some tips for when that mid-brain takes over and the challenging behavior comes out. There are tips for when your child “flips her lid” and for when YOU flip your lid.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who is a Preschool Director in his other, non-Kindermusik life!

In fact, as I write this, I am sitting here doing my best to force motivate my violin player through his practice.  It’s not always easy. He’d rather be playing Xbox, or tug-a-war with his dog, or making up stories with his Halo Megabloks – anything but practicing. (Except, well, taking a shower and washing his hair, of course.)

But I know something he doesn’t. Finnish researchers (Did you know my maiden name was Koivisto? Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I like these scientists so much) have just developed a new method that shows the wide neural networks (including motor, emotions and creativity) that become activated all over the brain as music is listened to. Now scientists have an even better way to understand how music affects us.

Just like eating your vegetables and fish and getting enough vitamin D have a profound impact on my children’s physical health and development, regular music lessons/classes from an early age increases my children’s ability to learn. That’s a scientific fact, not just my opinion.

Here are a few examples of how scientists and researches believe music helps the brain:

• Studies have shown that music lessons/classes assist the brain to process sounds more efficiently. This means that when your child is trying to stay focused on reading a history text in a noisy classroom, he or she will have an easier time concentrating than a non lesson taker.
• Fast forward to a grown up job in one of those tiny cubicles. Multi-tasking and concentrating in a busy, loud office is an essential skill, one your violin player is much more likely to have.
• One researcher has found that the silence between two musical notes triggers the brain cells and neurons, which are responsible for the development of sharp memory.
• Other studies demonstrate that children who undergo musical training have a better verbal recall than those who have none. The amount of information that can be recalled increases the longer their period of musical training.
• Learning a second language is mandatory for high school graduation. Musicians are much better than non musicians at discerning the subtleties in pitch in foreign languages. This is especially helpful for tonal languages, like Mandarin.
• Coordination and concentration are also improved when a child takes instrument lessons. Think about what a flute player does all at the same time – moves both hands, reads music, listens to the players around him, watches the conductor – that’s a lot to coordinate!
• We know that music stimulates the areas of the brain that are responsible for planning and analyzing, thereby improving your organizational skills and making you more capable of handling math, reasoning and other cognitive tasks.
• And I think most importantly, when a child masters a piece of music or a difficult technique, it provides a sense of accomplishment, and gives a boost in confidence that spills over into all areas of life and produces a desire to tackle more challenges.

I want my children to grow up and have a good work ethic, an eagerness to try new things, the ability to reason and think, and the confidence that they can successfully navigate life.  The music they participate in now will help them accomplish just that.

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who is going to make salmon burgers tomorrow night for dinner. After she wrestles her violin-playing 9 year old into the shower in the morning.

Looking back, those words were so important for me because I knew that my mom valued reading for pleasure. Now, as an educator, I think about how can children learn to read for pleasure. How do they develop a love for reading?

Reading involves two major processes: comprehending (what words mean) and decoding (recognizing and sounding out words). Children begin these processes far before Kindergarten. We call this phonological awareness and alphabet knowledge. Phonological awareness is a rather broad term that also includes the more familiar term phonemic awareness. When a person has phonological awareness, he or she can recognize the sound structure of speech, or in other words, the ability to perceive word sounds and to pronounce parts of words.

Even infants do this! They are starting this when they babble. You sit with your baby in your lap and you say “bah, bah, baaaah” or “zu, zu, zu.” At ages 3 and 4, children can already hear rhymes like small, ball, tall and also alliterations like fast, free, foam, flick. Practicing these skills helps them to break down words. Later, at ages 5 and 6, they can break down words into syllables, identify sounds of words, and even hear different sounds in the middle of words too. In preschool, we play with words all the time. Maybe we will be reading a book by Dr. Seuss and make up as many rhymes as we can to the word lorax or schloot. We’ll sing songs that rhyme and separate the rhyming words. We also say rhymes during circle time or on the way to outside. Here’s a rhyming finger play as an example:

                Two little black birds sitting on the hill (hold up both index fingers)
                One named Jack and the other named Jill (wiggle one, wiggle the other)
                Fly away Jack, fly away Jill (put one hand behind your back then the other)
                Come back Jack, Come back Jill (bring back one hand, then the other)

We’ll even ask children what else the black birds are sitting on. Maybe they’re sitting on a pot and one is named Jack and the other is named Snot! Children love being silly with rhymes and it helps them enjoy reading when it can be silly. That way when they come to a book, they remember the rhyming words they sang about earlier.

Alphabet knowledge is also really important for little readers. Young children are engaged in representing familiar objects and actions in a variety of ways, including writing. After all, reading and writing go together, we don’t learn them separately. Children easily love writing as much as reading. They see us write! They examine texts on signs, in books, on the way to school, at the park, everywhere! They are learning how to recognize and name familiar letters, especially those in their own name.

“The word ‘stop’ as a ‘T’ in it, just like my name!”

By experimenting with these letters, they start to write actual letters of words that are significant to them. Even if you feel like you can’t bare another read through of Goodnight Moon for the 5^th time that night, just remember that your child is developing a love for reading by bonding with you in your arms as you read together. Explore letters by using alphabet puzzles, magnetic letters, alphabet games, blocks, stamps, stencils, and charts. We want them to play with these manipulatives and have fun with them. Play Alphabet Yoga together and go through some of their favorite letters by posing as the letter with your whole body!

Finally, when you read with your child, open up a dialogue throughout the book. This is called Dialogic Reading. Research has shown that the way we read with children is just as important as how frequently we read with them. When a child is an active participant in the story, they retain it better. They also show greater gain in vocabulary then when you simply read the book straight through. So when you read, have a conversation about the story. Let them talk and don’t interrupt them, even if it’s hard. Children can take a while to process information before they speak it out loud. In your head, after you ask a question, count three alligators.

There are many ways to engage a child in dialogic reading.

The first thing to remember is to ask them questions, and evaluate what they say. Then expand on their response and repeat what they say. For example, maybe you’re reading Where the Wild Things Are. You might turn to a page and ask “why do you think Max is upset?” They might say “because he had to go to his room without his supper.” Then you might expand on this by saying “wow, I can understand how he feels. Would you feel upset too if that happened to you?”

If a child knows a book really well, leave parts of it blank. Let them finish the sentences. This works especially well for books that rhyme.

You can also recall parts of the book. “Wait, why is Max upset?”

Last, be sure to ask your child open-ended questions such as “tell me what’s going on in this picture.” Open-ended questions help children increase expressive language and attention to detail. Children also love to relate the story to their own lives. “Wow, I have a monster suit just like Max!”

These strategies are a few that will help your child be a little book worm. Helping children to develop a love and appreciation for reading now will go a long way. And don’t forget to have them see you read too! After all, when children know that you love reading, they will too.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who leaves you with a favorite quote by Dr. Seuss: The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

The special thing about this book is that it has excerpts from real moms who documented how they were feeling week by week as their baby was growing. They would also document what their babies were doing as the weeks were going by as well. Again, for me, this was reassurance to know that each baby has different temperaments and is going to grow differently.

Miles at 5 weeks.

Here’s an example: I remember when Miles hit the 5 week mark. He was very fussy and it was very hard to get him to sleep. He would put up the greatest fight to go down and sometime he never made it down. He just cried the whole time until his next feeding.

This is when I picked up The Wonder Weeks and started reading as fast as I could! Well, wouldn’t you know, 5 weeks is when babies have their first fussy time, which leads into a ‘magical leap forward’.

After we made it through the 5^th week, both my husband and I realized that Miles was actually responding to music and he was starting to notice and play with his hands! He had started showing off his new skills that he was processing through during his fussy time.  What a pleasure to be able to watch and participate in his learning.  We were able to enjoy this because we knew what to expect.

Another thing that has been helpful about  The Wonder Weeks, is that there is a graph in the beginning of the book that charts out predicted fussy times. I’m a visual person, so this is very nice. I can quickly flip to this chart and see where Miles fits age-wise and see if he is in a sunny period (his personality is shining through) or a stormy period (more fussy than normal).

Here is one last example: Miles has been really cranky lately. I’ve stopped telling people how many weeks he is because I just can’t keep track. So, when people ask how old he is I’ll say 3 ½ months instead of weeks. But because he has been so cranky lately, I decided to count the weeks and check the chart in this book. Sure enough, Miles is in a stormy period and things are changing.

Miles has been very testy when it comes to sleeping. He has been having a really hard time going down and we can’t figure it out. He also doesn’t like my husband putting him down. He will cry and cry and cry with Casey, but then I’ll take him and he’ll quiet right down. This process has been really rough for both Casey and I because Casey feels rejected and I feel like I don’t get a break.

Miles at 17 weeks.

After counting how many weeks old Miles is, 17 weeks, he falls smack in the middle of a fussy time. I should’ve known! So, I just opened the book to refresh my memory about some of the changes that are going to be happening to Miles and about every description in the book is exactly what Miles is going through. Trouble sleeping, being cranky, shyness of strangers, entertaining him while he is awake; all of these things are written in this book and documented by the Moms who participated in journaling what their child was doing during this time. Talk about not feeling alone!

I am so grateful for this book, The Wonder Weeks. It has helped me a lot with being patient with my baby and myself. It will be a go-to book for me as Miles grows and gets older.

-posted by Miss Anna, who will be recommending this book to every Mom that she knows, and thinks that if you get the chance, you should check it out.

People have recommended books galore for us to read, Baby Wise, The Baby Whisperer, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Happiest Baby On The Block and the list goes on.  Being the new mom that I am, I figured that I should start reading up on some of these so I can know what I’m doing, right?

Newborn Miles (before the fussies start)

Well, I remember my second day alone with Miles and my mom had said she was headed over to help and hang out. As soon as she opened the door to our apartment, I burst into tears! It had been an awful day the day before and a really tough night. I was so ready for some reinforcements by the dawn’s early light!

While being able to process out loud some of my thoughts, I realized that I was carrying a ton of weight on my shoulders about how Miles should conduct his days and nights. All of these books were telling me how to do things and I was thought that I was gleaning from all of them. I would read a book and then try to put into practice what they had ‘suggested’.

Finally, I realized that my sweet baby boy did not fit into any book! He is his own little person and he has to figure out a schedule of his own. His tummy will tell him when he is hungry and his eyes will tell him when he is tired.  And as for being a mom, I had to trust my instincts and listen to my baby.  So, I returned all the books to the various friends and libraries and set out on my own to figure this new thing out!

With all of this new information being thrown my way, I did retain some. One book, however, I pick up and read as Miles grows. This book is called The Wonder Weeks. I have to say, this book is such a lifesaver to me! If anything, this book gives me peace of mind that whenever I couldn’t and can’t figure out what is going on with my new little one, he is more than likely growing. And with that, comes a whole bunch of changes in behavioral patterns.

This book covers the 10 fussiest phases in a baby’s first year and a half. Through these fussy phases come wonderful leaps forward in a baby’s development. He learns new skills through these fussy times and is proud to show them when they are through the storm.

If anything, this book taught me to let go of having control. To know that if Miles is in a proven ‘fussy time’, that his normal day to day patterns might be a little off. So if he wants to eat every 2 hours and sleep for 4, it’s ok. If he is staying awake for 3 hours at a time, it’s ok. If he is crying and clinging to me, it’s ok (even if I’m totally annoyed with this!).

-posted by Miss Anna, who will tell you the rest of the story (aka “magical leaps forward”) tomorrow.

In Spring and Summer, the outside world is chock full of colors, smells, tastes, sounds, and things to touch. By this time of year, socks and shoes are back on, mittens cover little fingers, and hats muffle noises.

Did you know that together, hands and feet have over 40,000 touch receptors? Pull off those socks and mittens and take advantage of those 40,000 learning possibilities! Here are some ideas:

Note: All of these work equally well for hands or feet. A tablecloth/oilcloth on the floor or bathtub work well for the feet activities, and a highchair tray or wax paper on a table is a perfect place to contain the mess made by experimenting little hands. Be sure to talk about what your little one is “feeling” (slippery, soft, rough, smooth, scratchy, bumpy).

• Squirt shaving cream or whipped cream onto feet, or in little mounds on a high chair tray for exploration.
• Put dried beans or breakfast cereal in a box or plastic tub. Place packing peanuts or crumpled paper in the other box. Let your little one stomp and jump and kick away. (With your help, a non-walker can do this, too.)
•  Make a box of ribbon and fabric scraps of various textures (satin, grosgrain, fleece, burlap, vinyl) for exploration.
• Take those ribbons and scraps of fabric, add some cotton balls, and put them on floor for your little one to crawl or walk across.
• Cook noodles, oatmeal, rice or jello. Name the different textures as you play with them.
• Mix cornstarch and water until you get a goop about the consistency of glue.  Add food coloring if you wish. This is a non-toxic mixture, so no worries if a little bit gets eaten.

This is not the time to try and contain the mess! Frequently, the messier the experience, the more is learned. Think about it – the more touch receptors (and other senses) that are involved, the stronger and more permanent the learning will be.

-posted by Miss Analiisa, whose favourite sensory activity involves sand between her toes.

Kate swinging Up, Up, Up, Up and Down, Down, Down, Down

Every parent does it. Every parent to some extent brags, compliments and shares in the excitement of his or her child. I do it. I do it ALL the time. I am so proud of my girls. I think they are genius children and that they really could do no wrong. I sing my child’s praises to friends, family and acquaintances.

In fact, I am about to do it now. My youngest daughter, Kate, has been in the Kindermusik program since two months of infancy. We started her in Family Time, then in Village and now she is a thriving Our Timer. I watched as her progression over the past two years finally came to a head just this last week. I had Kate flying through the air on my legs when I thought – I should do this to the Our Time vocal warmup – Up, Up, Up, Up, Up, Up, Up, Up like a rocket ship… and Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down like a shooting star. (I know you just sang this scale exercise as you read that).  It’s addictive and the kids LOVE it.

I introduced this concept of using our scale warmup as a gross motor activity and by the second go-round Kate was singing it by herself.  The next day she was playing play-doh when I overheard her taking the compound containers and stacking them as she sang her scales up and down. My husband whispered, ‘She really is starting to connect things’! He was right. Kate has mastered her scales and she is applying them without my guidance. How proud am I?! Extremely. I want to scream from the mountaintop that my two-year old is a Kindermusik prodigy (though I know this is still just the beginning of her Kindermusik education).

Knowing that parents bask in the little glories of their children, we, as your Studio3Music teachers, want to hear about these milestones whether big or little, whether you deem them inconsequential or bigger than the 2012 Presidential election – tell us! We encourage our Studio3Music community of families to share these tidbits with us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/studio3music.

All geniuses dress this way...

We love our kids, your kids and our community of loving parents. Each child is so different and special in his and her own way, and finding the joy in one another’s growth is only part of the full Kindermusik experience.

My personal next step: getting Kate on video singing her scales. This precious little toddler voice will be gone before I know it. Plus, when she’s 18 and on her first date (yes, she’s not dating ‘til 18) we will remind her that she is every bit as precious to us now as she was when she was two singing her scales wearing only her diaper.

-posted by Miss Kim, who is proud of her children and her Studio3Music Kindermusik community.

Brain Rules for Baby

This Seattleite and UW professor opens his book by debunking a few of the parenting myths we have come to believe.  Taking on these preconceptions and misconceptions, Dr. Medina uses the latest in research (only peer-reviewed and successfully replicated) to fill the next nearly 300 pages with specific strategies towards raising a smart and happy child.

One thought-provoking and foundational insight having particular application to our Kindermusik classes is Medina’s proposition that the fundamental job of the baby’s brain is not to learn, but to survive!  “We do not survive so that we can learn.  We learn so that we can survive.”

Hence, our fundamental job as parents and teachers is not so much to provide a steady stream of baby educational dvds, flashcards or early childhood French lessons, as it is to provide an environment of safety where learning can happen. When the brain feels safe its busy neurons are free to complete the thousands of connections needed to fully wire the brain….but not until! 

So what are some of the things that affect the safety level of our children?

*Attachment – From the birth canal babies are looking for attachments, their brains acutely attentive to the care being received.  If essential needs are being met and healthy bonding (lots of touch and “face” time!) is occurring there is a positive outcome, if not, there is another outcome.

*Stress levels – A stressful environment (angry or emotionally violent, exhibiting relational/marital conflict) signals to baby a lack of safety. Dr Medina does a fantastic job of pinpointing and addressing particularly prenatal stress and marital conflict.  He provides solid insights to bring about change to both areas.

In our Kindermusik classes our first and primary goal is to signal “this is a safe environment” to all children.  From the welcome song where one discovers he or she not only “belongs” to this community, but is recognized as a valued individual, to the snuggle time where we turn back to receive the gentle care of a loved one, we sing and dance and snuggle our way to a place where learning can thrive and happy neurons connect at an alarming rate!

Take a moment for this online parenting quiz and discover what parenting myths you may be holding dear!

-posted by Miss Colleen, who suddenly realizes how grateful she is to have been born into a nearly television free world….Ah, the benefits of age!