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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Feb
3

Simple Pleasures for a Wintery Day

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family, parenting, Recipes, Things to do

When at home with preschoolers during the chilly month of February, the days could get long. Especially if it was a gray day from start to finish. (I realize that it’s gloriously sunny in Seattle today, but the gray will return!) One such day when the clouds were hanging low, my four-year-old said, “Mommy, where’s the morning?”  I wondered the same thing.

Often it was the little things that made those darkish days more pleasant. A storybook shared while snuggling on the couch. A slice of warm-from-the-oven banana bread with a pat of butter.  A phone call or visit from a friend which might include commiserating, laughing, book sharing and other conversations about the stuff of our lives—important and trivial.

Connecting with a friend was often all I needed to chase the blues away. I treasured those conversations—especially face to face ones. Someone else understood and was walking my path too!  And my load was lightened.

I savor the many memories I have of kids running around my house, my friends and I using our well-honed ability to carry on a deep conversation in spite of many interruptions.  These play dates often included a hot cup of Chai tea and something to nibble: perhaps a slice of banana bread, because somehow there are always overripe bananas around where there are preschoolers.

If you are struggling with the winter blues today, why not make a phone call or invite a friend over? See what happens to your feelings when you intentionally connect with someone else.  Initiate a conversation. Have an old fashioned coffee klatch.  Or just go for it and throw a party and fill your house with preschoolers and parents—for no reason at all.

Here are some recipes which have been a pleasant accompaniment to many happy play dates. Chai tea and my aunt’s delicious banana bread. Invite a friend over and enjoy!

Chai Tea Recipe

However much water you use initially is how much milk (preferable whole milk) you add to the batch at the end.
Black Tea
Cardamom Pods (crack open a bit)  I use 5 -7 pods for 3 -4 cups of chai
Fresh Ginger – cut up or crush about a 1” inch segment
Cook water, cardamom, ginger and tea – boil for about 3 – minutes
Strain off the cardamom, ginger and tea bags (you could always put the cardamom, ginger and tea bag in a cheesecloth pouch to make it easier to strain later.
Add milk, and heat back up.
Add sugar or sweetener to taste.

Serve and enjoy.

Aunt Lib’s Banana Bread

¾ c. flour
1 ½ c. sugar
1 t. baking soda
½ t. salt
2 eggs
2 med. ripe bananas (1 cup)
½ c. vegetable oil
¼ c. + 1 T buttermilk
1 t. vanilla
1 c. chopped walnuts

Combine flour, sugar, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Set aside. In another bowl mix together eggs, bananas, oil, buttermilk, vanilla and walnuts. Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. Do not over mix.

Pour into a greased loaf pan. Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 25 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes then remove to wire rack.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who usually find banana bread dry and boring, but goes for seconds on this version!

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Feb
1

Stifling Creativity

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family, parenting

Last week I got one of those horrible colds. The kind where you just climb into bed, even though you have 3 children to home school and a business to run. The kind of cold that means the moment you lay flat, your head hurts and you can’t breathe. That bad.

I ended up watching a lot of Netflix on my iPad. And by the time I graduated to the couch I was sick of Netflix definition of my genre of choice – “Witty period pieces with a strong female lead”.

So, on to documentaries.  I watched a Nat Geo series about the Amish. The Amish have always fascinated me; I don’t know why. I wish my husband could do wood working like that. But without having to grow a long beard and give up electricity and canning everything in sight. Never mind then. I’ll keep my IT-brilliant husband just the way he is.

Anyhoo… One show followed 5 Amish young people on a trip to the UK to stay with 4 families, each for a week during their Rumspringa. (Rumspringa, or “running around”, is the term used to describe the period of adolescence Amish experience starting at around age 16, before they make the decision whether or not to join the church, characterized by an increase in social activity, and leaving the “rules” behind in regards to behaviors like dress, alcohol, music, as they wish. They then give up their cars and Blackberrys and cigarettes when they choose to become baptized.)

I’m sure that’s not a complete answer; I just wanted you to know why Amish young people from the US could take a trip to the UK to stay with non-Amish, surf in the ocean, play electric guitars and go to a nightclub, all while being followed by a camera crew.

During the documentary, there was a girl in her early twenties that said something really profound. She and her family had left one of the strictest of Amish sects just the year before. (They choose to still live relatively simply and conservatively.) In their old way of life, there was no indoor plumbing, their clothing seams had to be sewn a particular manner, they could not plant flowers, and there was no history, geography or science taught in school, among a myriad of other rules.

She had never sung outside of church or made an art project. So at one house during their trip, the artist-daughter of the host family put a cup of acrylic paint mixed with glue in her hand, handed her a chopstick, and showed her how to drizzle this mixture onto paper and make a painting.

Just imagine making your first creative, beautiful thing at the age of 22. Something for which there was no right or wrong way to do it. This young woman’s face just lit up. Her countenance was alive and joyous, from the inside out. I think that by painting this picture, she experienced true freedom for the first time in her life. 

And then she said, “I think too many rules stifle creativity.” That’s profound. And relevant. Rules are good. Boundaries are important. But with too many, creativity can be stifled. As a mom and teacher, I need to protect my children from being stifled.

Sometimes that means protecting them from my silly rules. Will my Kindergartener fail to learn her math facts if I don’t demand she do the full 3 pages of math on my agenda, when she really wants to just draw and write a lot today? No, you shouldn’t make your own chocolate milk because you might make a mess. You can’t wear that. It doesn’t match. You’re wasting the glitter! Let me cut your meat for you. You don’t do it right.

Silly rules that stifle creativity? I hope not in my house anymore.  You want to compose your own piece of music on the violin and write it down? Go for it. You still have to practice your lesson music, but you can also spend as much time as you wish writing and playing “Land of Slowness”. (I kid you not, that’s the title.)

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who learned how to be a better parent after listening to the voice of reason coming from a most unexpected source.

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Jan
29

Challenging Behavior: Helpful Words

Posted in Child Development, Family, parenting

So far, we’ve talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline, and tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
  • Am I being respectful or patronizing?
  • Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
  • Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
  • Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

 It is important to provide a connection before correction:

  1. State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
  2. Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
  3. State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
  4. Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
  5. Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
  6. Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
  7. Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
  8. Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
  9. Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
  10. Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

  • Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
  • Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
  • Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
  • Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted  by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Jan
18

Life After Kindermusik

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family, Music and the brain

That’s right. I said it.  Is it even possible?  How will we survive?  Will my children’s brains still grow and thrive?  I wondered this when my son started kindergarten   and stated that he was done with Kindermusik.  He still had one more year to complete the entire series.  What about Miss Allison?  What about me?  Did my five year old take any of OUR feelings into account?  I was heartbroken but it was clear he was ready to move on and if I wanted his love for music to continue to flow I really had to respect his wishes.

What I learned about a month after school started was that he just needed to use his musical brain in other ways.  He was practicing shapes and patterns one night at the kitchen table for homework when I glanced over and saw something amazing.  He was making music with math.  (Only a trained Kindermusik mom would notice this.)

His repetitive patterns with numbers sounded musical when I read them aloud.  It was more than just the typical 1-2-1-2-1-2.  It had rhythm.  I sent it to Miss Allison, our local Kindermusik scientific music specialist.  She also saw the beat and just for fun sent back the numbers in musical alphabet.

My kindergartener, without knowing, was continuing to make music.  His brain still retained his Kindermusik knowledge.  I played the mathematical notes on the recorder with the joy of one discovering the cure for the common cold.  He just snubbed his nose at me before dumping a pile of Legos on the floor.  I smiled.  There IS life after Kindermusik.

My kindergartener is not physically going to Kindermusik classes any more but after five years it was time for his brain to move on.  His brain was remembering and using what he learned for more than just silly dances and colorful shakers.

My anxiety decreased as I held his little brother’s hand to his first session of Imagine That.  The baby was now off to learn music in his own space, with his own friends.  Practicing his own independence.  Kissing time was a quick peck on the cheek as he ran by sideways.  On the way out the door I looked back .  Those baby snuggle days were over, but watching the singing and silly dancing happening at that moment without me was not the end.

Kindermusik was not just for the kids.  It’s been music for all of us.  We will still make up songs and dance silly in our own ways at home.  When classes are over at the end of the day, the music goes on.  At bedtime my boys, 6 and 4 years old, still wait for mama to give snuggles and sing “Hush Little Baby and Ally Bally.”  Life after Kindermusik?  Absolutely!

-posted by Kindermusik mama Heidi Forrester,  whose children now want to learn the electric guitar and the bassoon.

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Jan
15

Confessions of a Procrastinator

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family

It’s New Year’s resolution season. Have you noticed all the TV shows, talk radio, church services and even commercials are urging us to tackle bad habits in 2012? Truth is I’m probably hearing all those messages because I feel convicted!  I know I’m supposed to do something about my habit of procrastination. But I’ll think about that later…

When I was single, my friends and coworkers complemented me for my self-discipline. Would someone please tell my husband that it’s very rude of him to laugh so hard at that description of his wife? I was disciplined back then!  If you only have one duck to line up (me), how hard is that?  So why put it off?

But then I got married and had kids, which equals ducks galore, if you know what I mean. And because they rarely lined up for more than a moment anyway, why should I try until the nick of time?

My descent into procrastination was gradual. I tried to keep up “duck management” in my early married life. I continued my notebook with weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. I made out a menu and grocery list for the week. I cleaned the house regularly. Mr. Clean was my bff.  Somewhere after baby number one got a baby sister, I lost ground.  My personal goals notebook went missing ten years ago.

Though I don’t know how they do it, some mothers don’t procrastinate! Their laundry gets done before someone has run out of clean underwear. They have eggs back in the refrigerator before they get halfway into a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough. The sheets are laundered and the bed made up before the mother-in-law is ready to retire to the guest room for the night. Of course I’ve never procrastinated to such an extreme. (I’ll blog about lying next January.)

Somewhere amidst being a wife, mothering, homeschooling and blogging, I guess I slid down a slippery slope into procrastination. So now you know why it’s time for a New Year’s resolution.  I feel the call; I’m tired of the chaos. My ducks are a little older.  They can actually line up on their own once in a while. I guess it’s time to attempt to return to my former life of discipline.  To fan that flame. To find my old notebook. To prove my smirking husband wrong. Wish me luck!

-posted by Donna Detweiler who has not procrastinated in the writing of this blog.  Victory # 1.

Image: EA / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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