Many of us sprint through life like the hare. We have things to do, do, do!  We dash off, frantic to get stuff done—thinking that by this method we will eventually cross whatever finish line we hold in mind.  When we begin to lose momentum, we fuel up mid-stream with a double shot of whatever and take off again, only to eventually nap under some short-of-the-finish line-tree.  The next morning we paw at the starting line and BANG!  Off we go again.

Let me translate this into real life. I’m a hare.  I’m eager and ready to dash out into the world each morning.  The results? My kids have an active life. Besides home schooling, we have horseback riding lessons, drama class, piano lessons, choir, writing co-op, gym class, and worship team.  Field trips are sprinkled in when something irresistible crops up like the maple syrup making, state capital day and civil war reenactment. No two days are alike as we hop, hop, hop around the extra-curricular landscape.

Then the turtle comes into view. Quite simply, the turtle represents getting to someplace specific. (In other words – the finish line.) As the hare dashes around and arguably has more fun, enjoys his natural talent and sees more of the countryside, he doesn’t accomplish the ultimate goal, which is important at times!

My discovery: When I want to teach my children a set of specific skills or work on a character issue, the turtle has the right moves.   My hare-like nature has been surprised to watch this principle work out.  When my daughter was struggling with long division, it became apparent she hadn’t mastered her math facts. Discouraged, I dashed down several fix-it roads, considering changing curriculum mid-stream. But then the turtle came into view.  I began to simply work with her for 5-10 minutes every day. I watched amazed as she progressed.  Slow and steady wins the race.

I began to apply this to other areas of my children’s lives. With achievement testing approaching, I felt certain we needed extra preparation. Bounding down the path of several complex history curricula, I quickly tired. Then the turtle came into view. I found a simple summary of what 5^th graders should know about history and I began to read to her every day for 10 minutes, asking comprehension questions as a review. Hardly thinking that 10 minutes was worth it, I watched in amazement as she made steady progress. With that success, I began to plot a daily course for character issues needing attention:  doing basic chores without complaint, talking kindly to siblings.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Who knew the deep truth the simple fable of The Tortoise and the Hare has been hiding all these years!  My new hero the Tortoise has shown me how to succeed where I so often have failed. A little every day gets one a long way over time. Slow and steady does win the race.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who knows that yes, hares also have their redeeming qualities, but that’s another blog!

We just got to the part in On the Banks of Plum Creek where Laura and Mary go to school for the first time. This time, Natalie was dumbfounded that Laura would have been slapped on the hands “many times” with a ruler if she had wiggled, swung her legs, or talked during school.

What a difference a 120 years makes! I’m so glad we live in a time where we know so much more about the brain, and how learning and moving go hand in hand.

Carla Hannaford (award winning author and eductor) writes, “Movement is essential to learning. Movement integrates and anchors new information into our neural networks. Every time we move in an organized…manner, full brain activation and integration occurs, and the door to learning opens.”

Combine movement, which fully activates the brain, and creates and strengthens neural networks, with music, which is the only activity that simultaneously stimulates every area of the brain, and you have a recipe for successful learning.

As a home schooling mom, here’s some things that we’ve done that combine music (or the components of music like rhythm and meter) that assist in learning. (You don’t have to home school to do these things. You are your child’s first and most important teacher!)

While singing learning songs or poems and chants, we have a small indoor trampoline for jumping on. (Trampolines are also great for getting up a taking a break. Jumping really seems to make the just inputted information stick in brains better.)

My children all sit on exercise balls. I’ve noticed that when new or more difficult concepts are being learned, their ability to sit still decreases. All that electrical energy in their brain is going towards creating new or stronger neural pathways.  An exercise ball allows them to have the movement they need, without being distracting, so that brain energy is spent focusing on learning, rather than using that brain power to sit quietly.  Another option is to put a balance disk on a chair and have them sit on that.

When learning to spell difficult words or skip count (counting by 2’s, 3’s, 5’s, etc.), we get up and bounce a ball back and forth, taking turns counting or giving the next letter in a word. The kids love it, and they learn faster and better.

Playing background music is great, too. One suggestion – during homework or school time, the best music to listen to has no words.

Be sure to give your children plenty of get up and play breaks to rest and refocus eyes, and allow the brain to process everything they just learned. Otherwise, the information really will be in one ear and out the other.

How do you integrate music, movement and learning into your family’s life or classroom?

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who loves that music not only helps shape growing minds, but transforms the heart and soul as well.

I was sitting in a class of Jr. Highers when I started thinking about dreams. An adult couple had brought in some examples of things they meant a lot to them. One was made by one of his sons who was about 11 years old. This particular item was a little figurine that was made out of household stuff; pipe cleaners, toilet paper rolls, googly eyeballs, felt and a hot glue gun. The figurine was skating on a skateboard and had shoes and hair and everything. I was totally impressed!

I could tell that a lot of man-hours had been put into this craft.  After getting over the initial awe, there were two things that struck me most. First, it was how the dad was talking about his son. He was so proud of what his son created by himself, with just time and things around the house.  It was really neat to see this dad speak aloud what made him proud!

The second thing that hit my core was how the son (who was in the group), was excited to share his creation with his peers.  He was not embarrassed in the least to show off his piece of work.

I grew up with a lot of shame in me. I was often embarrassed about what I was good at or not good at. I never had a problem with standing up in front of a ton of people and singing a solo, but put me in a small group and I was mortified by what people would think of me. I’m a people pleaser and that sometimes gets the best of me. It’s only been in recent years I will ‘own’ who I am. I’m learning to not be ashamed of what my interests are and I am free to share that with people instead of keeping it in.

So, how does this relate to dreams? Well, knowing where I have come from, I know that I want my son to be proud of who he is. Watching this 11 year old be so proud of what he created is what I want my son to have.  Putting myself as a peer to this 11 year old, I would have totally thought that he was weird; as an adult, this is what I so admire about this kid! He stuck to his guns when sharing his creation amongst his peers and had no shame or embarrassment about what he’d done. There was an innocence that surrounded him. THIS is what I want for my son!

It wasn’t until this meeting that I really started dreaming for Miles. Whether it is music, art, math, or science, it’s going to be from him and it’s going to be great! I am so excited to see what he will become and I know that I will be a proud mama when he shares with the world who he is!

I’d like to end on a quote I read not to long ago. I saw it on Pinterest and it’s really stuck with me. In the corner of the quote there is a picture of a mother cradling her baby… The mother says, “I plan to give you love, nurturing, and just enough dysfunction to make you funny.”

I know that I’m not going to be the perfect mom and I’m going to make mistakes. I’m human. I need to be able to give myself grace in this parenting process. I also know that my child will not be the best at everything J But what I will strive to do is to love and support my son in whatever dreams he may have.

-posted by Miss Anna, who hopes her son will discover this world through a child’s eye, always.

Don’t believe that? Okay. Truth be told – I’m a teacher through and through. I strive to appreciate every child I work with, and if you ask me about your child, (as some of you have), I’m happy to give you my observations. I really do want you help you be successful in the art of parenting.

I can also share what I’ve learned about how to really get to know them. And why would you want to get to know them? Besides the obvious fact that you like your children, of course! Your children are born with unique personalities, skills, gifts, talents, learning styles, and characteristics. It’s our job as parents to support our children as they mature.

Understanding your child will assist you to guiding them as they grow. For instance, knowing your child’s learning style (In order to understand concepts, do they need to see it, hear it, or do it?) will tell you how to help them with learning to read, tell time, or grasp their addition facts.

Children arrive with some prewiring. I don’t mean that they can’t change and grow, but they aren’t blank slates, either. How my 3 children behaved in utero was how they acted after they arrived on the outside. One was a poker – he’s 13 and he still “pokes” at me verbally if he wants my attention. One was a roller – I looked like a pregnant Sigourney Weaver from the movie Alien. He still is a whole body mover. He needs to move to learn. He moves when things get emotionally difficult to deal with. He rolls on the floor a few times in the middle of a particularly intense violin lesson, and then gets up and is ready to work again. My two boys will always be pokers and rollers.

The best way to understand your children is to simply observe them. Playing, working, sleeping, eating. What are the character traits that continually show themselves? Are they introverted or extroverted? What are their favorite activities? Those things are your child’s “normal”. Most of the time, your child’s “normal” is perfectly okay. And you need to be okay with it, too.

You don’t like going to the zoo every weekend, but your daughter begs, rain or shine? Think about what clues that gives you. Nurture that love of nature. If you don’t want to go to the zoo again, find new museums, take a field trip to the vet’s office, check out library books about reptiles for your visual learner. Get a pet for your “doer” to take care of.

Want to get to know someone? Ask a lot of questions! So, ask your child open-ended questions. (Those questions that require more than a yes or no answer.) Instead of asking your child who they played with in school, ask them what they played.

Miss Allison (a great observer of children) gave me some more ideas to pass along to you:

When you read a book to them ask them what their favorite part was… who their favorite character was…

Have a verbal child tell you a story. You’ll discover a lot about what they think about, and feel, are scared of… wishing for…

Watch how they play with small pretend play manipulatives: people toys (like action figures and Polly Pocket type things) and anthropomorphized animal toys, too, plastic animals or dinosaurs, small stuffed animals. Large motor pretend play is usually done with other children, but small motor pretend play is often done alone, so you only see what your child is interested in rather than what they are willing to compromise on.

Pay attention to the skill sets that confuse them or make them frustrated. Those activities are pointing you toward the areas the child isn’t as comfortable with, may be stuck with, or toward personality traits such as perfectionist, or short tempered.

Make a point of playing with your child in different areas of development. Do a puzzle one day, take a nature hike the next. Ride bikes, or work on pedaling, build with blocks, color and do a craft, sing a song, tell a story so that you can see where your child is gifted, where they struggle and most importantly, where they are growing and where they are not growing.

With lots of observation and interaction, you’ll have the knowledge of what tools and toys to provide, to assist them in reaching their next level of maturity.

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who sees so many of her sister’s and mother’s traits in her daughter that it’s more than a bit freaky.

Image: Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

That first day of school was also a great big one!  Whether it was preschool, kindergarten, middle school, or high school, those first days all stand out in my mind.  I know that later, there will be some other big milestones like graduation, college, marriage and grandkids, but I was thinking that was all down the road a bit.

My two mustangs when I was growing up!

Well, imagine my surprise when I took him last month to his first day of driver’s training.  Wow!  That was another big milestone and I was not expecting it!  Practicing driving with Tyler has renewed my patience and understanding.  I very lucky that he has also been a cautious kid, so we aren’t talking about massive speeding or screeching around any corners.

He also has shown an interest in my car that I had when I was 16.  My dad gave me his ’64 ½ Mustang.  It is a beautiful car and I had a great time driving it.  But for now I think air bags, and shoulder seatbelts, AND seatbelts in the back are just a little more important than a teenage boy driving around a V8!

My point? Treasure all the milestones in your child’s life.  It goes by so quickly!

-posted by Miss Beth, who is more than happy to have a new chauffeur in the house!

Often it was the little things that made those darkish days more pleasant. A storybook shared while snuggling on the couch. A slice of warm-from-the-oven banana bread with a pat of butter.  A phone call or visit from a friend which might include commiserating, laughing, book sharing and other conversations about the stuff of our lives—important and trivial.

Connecting with a friend was often all I needed to chase the blues away. I treasured those conversations—especially face to face ones. Someone else understood and was walking my path too!  And my load was lightened.

I savor the many memories I have of kids running around my house, my friends and I using our well-honed ability to carry on a deep conversation in spite of many interruptions.  These play dates often included a hot cup of Chai tea and something to nibble: perhaps a slice of banana bread, because somehow there are always overripe bananas around where there are preschoolers.

If you are struggling with the winter blues today, why not make a phone call or invite a friend over? See what happens to your feelings when you intentionally connect with someone else.  Initiate a conversation. Have an old fashioned coffee klatch.  Or just go for it and throw a party and fill your house with preschoolers and parents—for no reason at all.

Here are some recipes which have been a pleasant accompaniment to many happy play dates. Chai tea and my aunt’s delicious banana bread. Invite a friend over and enjoy!

Chai Tea Recipe

However much water you use initially is how much milk (preferable whole milk) you add to the batch at the end.
Black Tea
Cardamom Pods (crack open a bit)  I use 5 -7 pods for 3 -4 cups of chai
Fresh Ginger – cut up or crush about a 1” inch segment
Cook water, cardamom, ginger and tea – boil for about 3 – minutes
Strain off the cardamom, ginger and tea bags (you could always put the cardamom, ginger and tea bag in a cheesecloth pouch to make it easier to strain later.
Add milk, and heat back up.
Add sugar or sweetener to taste.

Serve and enjoy.

Aunt Lib’s Banana Bread

¾ c. flour
1 ½ c. sugar
1 t. baking soda
½ t. salt
2 eggs
2 med. ripe bananas (1 cup)
½ c. vegetable oil
¼ c. + 1 T buttermilk
1 t. vanilla
1 c. chopped walnuts

Combine flour, sugar, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Set aside. In another bowl mix together eggs, bananas, oil, buttermilk, vanilla and walnuts. Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. Do not over mix.

Pour into a greased loaf pan. Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 25 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes then remove to wire rack.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who usually find banana bread dry and boring, but goes for seconds on this version!

I ended up watching a lot of Netflix on my iPad. And by the time I graduated to the couch I was sick of Netflix definition of my genre of choice – “Witty period pieces with a strong female lead”.

So, on to documentaries.  I watched a Nat Geo series about the Amish. The Amish have always fascinated me; I don’t know why. I wish my husband could do wood working like that. But without having to grow a long beard and give up electricity and canning everything in sight. Never mind then. I’ll keep my IT-brilliant husband just the way he is.

Anyhoo… One show followed 5 Amish young people on a trip to the UK to stay with 4 families, each for a week during their Rumspringa. (Rumspringa, or “running around”, is the term used to describe the period of adolescence Amish experience starting at around age 16, before they make the decision whether or not to join the church, characterized by an increase in social activity, and leaving the “rules” behind in regards to behaviors like dress, alcohol, music, as they wish. They then give up their cars and Blackberrys and cigarettes when they choose to become baptized.)

I’m sure that’s not a complete answer; I just wanted you to know why Amish young people from the US could take a trip to the UK to stay with non-Amish, surf in the ocean, play electric guitars and go to a nightclub, all while being followed by a camera crew.

During the documentary, there was a girl in her early twenties that said something really profound. She and her family had left one of the strictest of Amish sects just the year before. (They choose to still live relatively simply and conservatively.) In their old way of life, there was no indoor plumbing, their clothing seams had to be sewn a particular manner, they could not plant flowers, and there was no history, geography or science taught in school, among a myriad of other rules.

She had never sung outside of church or made an art project. So at one house during their trip, the artist-daughter of the host family put a cup of acrylic paint mixed with glue in her hand, handed her a chopstick, and showed her how to drizzle this mixture onto paper and make a painting.

Just imagine making your first creative, beautiful thing at the age of 22. Something for which there was no right or wrong way to do it. This young woman’s face just lit up. Her countenance was alive and joyous, from the inside out. I think that by painting this picture, she experienced true freedom for the first time in her life. 

And then she said, “I think too many rules stifle creativity.” That’s profound. And relevant. Rules are good. Boundaries are important. But with too many, creativity can be stifled. As a mom and teacher, I need to protect my children from being stifled.

Sometimes that means protecting them from my silly rules. Will my Kindergartener fail to learn her math facts if I don’t demand she do the full 3 pages of math on my agenda, when she really wants to just draw and write a lot today? No, you shouldn’t make your own chocolate milk because you might make a mess. You can’t wear that. It doesn’t match. You’re wasting the glitter! Let me cut your meat for you. You don’t do it right.

Silly rules that stifle creativity? I hope not in my house anymore.  You want to compose your own piece of music on the violin and write it down? Go for it. You still have to practice your lesson music, but you can also spend as much time as you wish writing and playing “Land of Slowness”. (I kid you not, that’s the title.)

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who learned how to be a better parent after listening to the voice of reason coming from a most unexpected source.

In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
• Am I being respectful or patronizing?
• Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
• Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
• Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

 It is important to provide a connection before correction:

1. State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
2. Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
3. State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
4. Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
5. Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
6. Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
7. Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
8. Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
9. Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
10. Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

• Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
• Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
• Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
• Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted  by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tips for when YOU have flipped your lid:

• Recognize what it feels like physically: fast heart beats, redness of the face and neck, sense of urgency. Learn your body’s warning signs.
• Recognize what it feels like mentally: An inability to think calmly and clearly. Thoughts that repeat or go in circles. A sense of urgency
• Take a time out from the situation and calm down: Recognize that continued engagement won’t help. Take a moment to calm down and breathe. Remove yourself.
• Focus on your breathing: Do it slowly. In and out.
• Use large muscles: walk, run, bike, do push-ups, or yoga. Anything to keep yourself moving.
• Try engaging your cortex: Do mental math, count backwards, list facts. Anything to slow the pace.
• Notice why you’re in “survival mode.” This situation makes me feel vulnerable because I’m not being heard, I’m not being respected, etc. Don’t take it personally. Your brain thinks it’s about survival, when it really isn’t.

Tips for when THEY have flipped their lid (child or adult):

• Watch for signs in the other person: Intense emotions, disjointed sentences, irrational action, flushed/red face.
• Notice your body: Use those mirror neurons. Get down on the child’s level. Be calm and speak slowly. Use simple words. This makes it easier for them to calm down too. Don’t let their “flipped lid” catch you off guard.
• Remember safety: People unable to use their cortex act irrationally and can be physically dangerous. Be calm, stay aware, and move slowly.
• Acknowledge feelings: Use few words and speak slowly. “I can tell you’re frustrated” or “I see tears running down your face, you must be sad.”
• Talk TO them not AT them: Don’t make fast movements. They may want to be touched or they may not want to be touched, be aware of what their body language is telling you. If they want to leave (and it is safe), let them.
• Give them space, don’t crowd: Don’t give complicated directions (they cannot process them), keep it simple. Don’t demand from them.
• Invite them to take a CDT (Cool Down Time): This is similar to a time-out, but instead is non-punitive. This works best as an option, not a command.
• Simple tasks engage his/her cortext: Ask him how his name is spelled. Ask her to count to ten. Math and literacy are both great ways to do this.
• Ask for their help: Finally, when they begin to de-escalate, change their focus by asking for their help. “I can tell you aren’t ready to play yet, but can you help me get these things from the cupboard?” or “I know you can’t go back to work yet, but could you help me by…?”

The foundation of the tools to helping young children self-regulate is the relationships we build with them. Discipline means not just what we do during moments of challenging behavior, but how we encourage children to be better people. This is a concept adopted from Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Positive discipline

inspire with courage.”

We do this by helping children self-evaluate themselves (“tell me about it” or “what do you think?”). Instead of conformity (“you did it right”, “I’m so proud of you”), build empathy (“I can see you enjoyed that”, “what do you think and feel?”). Appreciate them by being specific (“I appreciate your help with…” or “who can show me the proper way to sit?”).

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some helpful words and phrases to use in the process of discipline.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who takes some hot tea to a quiet corner when he’s flipped his lid.

We want to understand:

1. how we make meaning of our experiences
2. how challenging behavior is a solution to a different problem
3. what are the practical tools for young children to self-regulate
4. the recovery tools in developing minds
5. how to use several tools for improving relationships with young children

As irrational as it sometimes appears, we know that behavior is always purposeful. The purpose of behavior is to find belonging (a sense of connection) and meaning (significance). People make decisions based on how they perceive the world. A perception leads to an interpretation which leads to a belief, and then a decision based on that belief which leads back to a new perception. Children do this all the time. They use their senses to make interpretations. “How heavy is this block?” “What does tomato soup smell like?” “I can see steam; that must mean it’s hot.” “When I see a black bird, I notice it makes a certain sound.” Children make these interpretations in an effort to organize the world around them.

So when there is a “problem,” it really is a solution to another problem that we just are not aware of yet. A child who is “misbehaving” is, rather, discouraged. Children want to feel a sense of community. Being in one and contributing to it. We need to teach children ways to accomplish their goals that are appropriate and safe. By encouraging a child instead of discouraging them, we give them the power to solve problems autonomously.

This happens when we:

• Teach life skills to children.
• Pay attention to the power of perception.
• Focus on encouragement (connection and presence with  children).
• Be kind and firm at the same time.
• Look to mutual respect. Respect for yourself. Respect for the situation. Respect for the needs of the child.
• Celebrate mistakes as opportunities to learn.
• Look to solutions rather than punishment.

These are the building blocks for effective discipline. Parents struggle with this word all the time. “What is discipline and how can I be sure it’s appropriate?” Taken from Adler, a prominent child developmentalist, effective discipline helps children feel a sense of community by being mutually respectful and encouraging. What is the child thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about herself in her world? What does he do in the future to survive and thrive? So it is effective long term. Discipline teaches important social and life skills such as respect for others, problem solving, cooperation, and contributing to the world around him. It also helps a child to discover how capable she truly is.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about some tips for when that mid-brain takes over and the challenging behavior comes out. There are tips for when your child “flips her lid” and for when YOU flip your lid.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who is a Preschool Director in his other, non-Kindermusik life!