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Archive for the ‘parenting’ Category

Oct
7

Brain Rules: We Don’t Pay Attention to Boring Things!

Posted in Education, Family, parenting

One infamous evening, our family was gathered around the dinner table. That day, I had taught a home school lesson on Johnny Appleseed.  I told how he walked barefoot across the Midwest, planting apple trees and giving seeds to settlers.  We watched the Disney cartoon of Johnny’s life.  We made an apple craft.  We baked apple turnovers and ate them. That evening at dinner, I proudly asked my 2nd grader to tell her dad about what we had studied that day.  She paused.  “Uh, I don’t know,” she replied, rather bored. “I think we learned about Jerry somebody.”

Obviously I failed to grab my daughter’s attention that day. What could I have done to stimulate her learning? That is the subject of Brain Rule #4 from John Medina’s science-made-understandable book, Brain Rules. He explains the simple concept that better attention equals better learning.

So how does the brain pay attention? The normal, daily function of the brain is called “Intrinsic Alertness,” according to theorist Michael Posner, whose research Medina quotes.  The brain is looking around, taking in the environment, noting anything unusual.  When something out of the ordinary is detected, the “Orienting Network” of the brain takes over causing it to absorb the new information.  We respond to what is unusual by looking, listening or perhaps moving to get more information.  Next the “Executive Network” of the brain causes us to decide how to react. We jump, scream, talk, or maybe do nothing.

When I began to teach my daughter’s class on Johnny Appleseed that day, her brain was in “Intrinsic Alertness.”  She saw her friends, a teacher, paper, pencils, a map, craft supplies—the normal Tuesday school routine.  What was missing was a stimulus to arouse her attention.  None of the activities caused her to take in the new information.  However, imagine if I’d arranged for a large barefoot man wearing a pot on his head to unexpectedly saunter into the classroom and hand out apple seeds.  Her “Orienting Network” would have fired up to process this new information. I doubt she’d have called him “Jerry somebody” after that!

The brain attends to emotions.  Medina teaches us that we remember events that are tied to emotions much more vividly and for a longer time than neutral events.  While my daughter had fun doing the activities that day, she obviously didn’t give a rip.  Medina explains that when the brain detects an “emotionally charged event,” a chemical called dopamine is released into the system. Dopamine is essential in memory and information processing. Imagine the effect if Johnny Appleseed had walked in the door! The chemical release would have created a lasting impression. As it was, the information she heard was no more memorable than the garbage truck rumbling by on its daily route. Her attention was never aroused.

In Brain Rule #4, John Medina teaches us how to understand the brain’s capacity to pay attention and not pay attention.  As a parent and teacher, I’ve learned a lot that I will use in my own learning as well as teaching my kids.  Truth is, neither of us pay much attention to boring things!

-posted by Donna Detweiler, whose “Orienting Network” was evidently never activated in Geology 101—zzzzzzz.

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Sep
7

In Celebration of Messy

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family, parenting

Messy is underrated. I recently heard of a movement of mothers who are trying to make messy the new “in.”  I like that idea.  It goes along better with the Law of Entropy:  My house moves naturally toward messy without any help from me.  When neat is the goal, I have to put some scrub to the tub, so to speak.

When I heard about this messy movement, it captured my attention.  Are my standards too high I wondered?  Am I bowing to the gods of neatness when my time could be better spent elsewhere?  Mind you, we’re not talking about dishes left in the sink for days, or filthy bathrooms. We’re talking about how picked up and beautiful we feel our house should look all the time.  You know that fleeting ideal– how the house looks when there are no people in it.  When the cleaning lady (me) has finished and no one is home yet, or before the guests arrive for our child’s birthday party with its festive table setting.

When I heard of the messy movement, I immediately thought of a few friends who I’ve always admired for their toleration of mess—no kidding! There’s Caroline (name changed just in case she doesn’t yet see being messy as an admirable trait.) When you enter her house, you notice that her main living room has a large pop-up princess fort and one of those crawling tunnels.  The Little Tykes kitchen is in the corner with the cookware and fake food strewn around.  Living in a chilly, rainy climate, these toys provide an indoor large motor play place for her children.  Because the living room has the most space, they use it for what their family needs most in this phase of life. On the occasions that grown-ups are over, the stuff gets moved, but on a daily basis, the living room is play central. That practical attitude gets a messy award!

Another friend of mine has a messy art table by their front door (which I blogged about earlier this year).  No hiding away this messy space in shame.  Art projects are not interrupted prematurely by a need to clean. Once in a while pens and paint jars are capped, but not before some have dried to a crust.  Piles of paper grace the floor and scissors, crayons and glue cover the table top.  A true messy haven for a budding artist, who paints and draws for hours each day I’m told.

The point of the messy movement, I would guess, is not mess for its own sake.  It’s a reaction to a perfectionistic mentality. When we have an unhealthy ideal of what our home should look like, we can be so driven to achieve this unrealistic goal that we drive ourselves and our families crazy.  We aren’t having any fun and neither is anybody else as we chase this illusion of a perfect home.

Parents, I have a proclamation for us:  Family life is messy.  Seems to me the messy movement is all about bringing balance to our lives.  There’s a time to clean and a time to be messy.  When our children are young, it is the time to be messy.  Celebrating messy is part of celebrating kids.  So let’s spend a bit less time restacking the Tupperware they’ve thrown into the cupboard (or whatever our neatness obsession is), and more time taking our kids out to the garden to play.  Afterwards we can cut some beautiful flowers to put in a vase for the kitchen table. We can clear a space for it in the middle.

-posted by Donna Detweiler who hears there’s plenty of time to have a clean house (and be lonely and wish it were messy again) after the kids are gone. 

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Aug
10

Your Reluctant Child WILL Swim—Eventually!

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Family, parenting

Because the season for summer swim lessons is here, I’ve been reading up on kids’ fear of swimming lately.  Most of us have either parented a hesitant swimmer or sympathetically watched the strugglers at the pool or lake.  In my research, I found lots of wisdom from experienced parents whose children have finally overcome their fears.  If you’re in the throes of this frustration with your child, get ready to be encouraged!

What is Your Child Afraid of?

Diagnosing the cause of your child’s fear is the first step to helping you figure out how to help them overcome their fear of water.

Parents identified many sources for their children’s fear of swimming.  Many kids dislike the feeling of water on their faces.  Swimming at a crowded noisy pool may cause fear more related to the mayhem than the water.  Lakes can seem scary to some kids because they can’t see to the bottom or they seem frighteningly large. One mom reported that as a child she felt like the lake might swallow her alive.

A bad water experience that causes a child to panic can cause a normally happy swimmer to become fearful for a time.  Or a harsh life guard or swim teacher can also have a negative impact. Ear aches and other physical issues may affect a child’s feelings about water. Because of allergies and asthma, I was congested most of my childhood, which affected my ability to catch a good breath on land, let alone in the water. While I loved playing in the water, the swimming strokes were difficult and scary for me.

Successful Get Wet Ideas

Figuring out what is hindering your child’s experience with water will help you decide what might help her overcome her fear.  Parents reported making progress with the following ideas:

Goggles:  Most kids seem to enjoy swim goggles, but goggles may be especially important for some—allowing them to get their faces wet, but not all wet. Different styles of goggles cover just the eyes or half of the face.

Private swim lessons:  For reluctant swimmers, the one-on-one teaching of private lessons may help by cutting out the multi-kid splashing and chaos in the pool and allowing for specialized instruction.

Group swim lessons:  For some kids, peer pressure is the necessary force which nudges them to conquer their fears.  As they watch kids their age swim, their desire to fit in becomes stronger than the anxiety holding them poolside.  Splash! In they go to join their pack.

Lake swimming:  With its sloped entry, one mom found that her timid daughter was more willing to go in the lake because she perceived the exit route was more accessible than the all-or-nothing pool ladder.  Going into the water little by little helped her conquer her fear an inch at a time. Today many public pools have shore-like entry too.

Play distraction:  Squirting toys, cups, buckets, diving rings or torpedoes, balls, boats; Toys can provide a distraction from water fear.  When fun is happening, kids want to join in.  For little children, sitting at the edge of the pool or lake and playing splashing games can help them acclimate to the feeling and fun of water.  Friends who are strong swimmers are good role models for water enjoyment. One of the biggest motivators is the invitation to join YOU to play in the water.

Patient Parents Succeed

It’s tough to be patient when we know how much fun our kids will have once they take the dive.  We want them to get over it NOW—because often their fear is holding us or the family back from fun.  Or we’re very anxious for them to swim because of our fear for their safety around water. But patience pays off.  Over and over again parents wrote that patience and persistence was the key to success in getting kids over their hydro-fear.

I still can recall the frustration of paying for swim lessons which my preschool daughter boycotted.  No amount of cajoling, bribing or firmly exhorting helped—until SHE decided she was ready to participate. And now that I’ve done this research, I realize that my introvert daughter was likely more reluctant to join a strange crowd than to get into the water.  After days of skirting the edge of the pool with the instructor sweet talking her, trust was finally established and my daughter happily splashed in!

According to many wise parents whose stories I read, children of every age with every type of fear eventually learned to swim.  The common denominator was that their parents didn’t give up, even if it took several summers of creativity and multiple approaches. They adjusted their expectations and adapted to their child’s needs—no matter what it took.

So that’s the bottom line:  If you lovingly, patiently, persistently keep at it, your child WILL learn to swim.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who is dedicating this blog to the indefatigable mom whose child finally learned to swim at 12 years old!  Good Job!

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Aug
1

The Top Ten

Posted in Education, parenting

It’s August, and like moms everywhere, I’m starting to plan my kids’ schedules for the school year. It can be a tough balance between activities and family. The hours between after school and bedtime (homework, playing, reading together, practice, chores) are important to me. This is my rule when I think about filling them – when my children are grown, will they remember all the stuff they did, or the experiences of being a family?  Are they going to pattern their own family life after time spent together or apart? After all, they’ll learn how to be a mom or a dad by watching my husband and I be a mom and dad.

My kids have youth group/club one night a week. I think two additional activities is enough here in the elementary years. (Every family is different. 3 works for us. Your number may be 1 or 5. Just keep in mind the end goal – time with you for learning, love and fun!) We always do a sport/physical activity (they choose), and music.

Most people don’t need an explanation about why sports are good, but why music? When kids enter elementary school, sports are usually stepped up, and music abandoned. I love this collection of the top ten reasons to keep up music throughout the school years:

1. In a 2000 survey, 73 percent of respondents agree that teens who play an instrument are less likely to have discipline problems.Americans Love Making Music – And Value Music Education More Highly Than Ever, American Music Conference, 2000.

2. Students who can perform complex rhythms can also make faster and more precise corrections in many academic and physical situations, according to the Center for Timing, Coordination, and Motor Skills. – Rhythm seen as key to music’s evolutionary role in human intellectual development, Center for Timing, Coordination, and Motor Skills, 2000.

3. A ten-year study indicates that students who study music achieve higher test scores, regardless of socioeconomic background. – Dr. James Catterall, UCLA.

4. A 1997 study of elementary students in an arts-based program concluded that students’ math test scores rose as their time in arts education classes increased. – “Arts Exposure and Class Performance,” Phi Delta Kappan, October, 1998.

5. First-grade students who had daily music instruction scored higher on creativity tests than a control group without music instruction. – K.L. Wolff, The Effects of General Music Education on the Academeic Achievement, Perceptual-Motor Development, Creative Thinking, and School Attendance of First-Grade Children, 1992.

6. In a Scottish study, one group of elementary students received musical training, while another other group received an equal amount of discussion skills training. After six (6) months, the students in the music group achieved a significant increase in reading test scores, while the reading test scores of the discussion skills group did not change. – Sheila Douglas and Peter Willatts, Journal of Research in Reading, 1994.

7. According to a 1991 study, students in schools with arts-focused curriculum reported significantly more positive perceptions about their academic abilities than students in a comparison group. – Pamela Aschbacher and Joan Herman, The Humanitas Program Evaluation, 1991.

8. Students who are rhythmically skilled also tend to better plan, sequence, and coordinate actions in their daily lives. – “Cassily Column,” TCAMS Professional Resource Center, 2000.

9. In a 1999 Columbia University study, students in the arts are found to be more cooperative with teachers and peers, more self-confident, and better able to express their ideas. These benefits exist across socioeconomic levels. – The Arts Education Partnership, 1999.

10. College admissions officers continue to cite participation in music as an important factor in making admissions decisions. They claim that music participation demonstrates time management, creativity, expression, and open-mindedness. – Carl Hartman, “Arts May Improve Students’ Grades,” The Associated Press, October, 1999.

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who is a proud momma of a flutist, violinst, and soon to be Kindermusik Young Child student!

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Jul
23

The Quest for character development

Posted in Child Development, Family, parenting, Things to do

While watching Disney’s cartoon classic, “The Sword in the Stone” with my children, I was stunned by how respectful and responsible young Wart was, regardless of the work he had to do. He knew his value, his job and took pride in what he did. He actually obeyed cheerfully!

My husband and I had been feeling like we were in the middle of a “It’s not fair” and “Why can’t you just give it to me” battle with our children, and our defenses were wearing thin. It was time for a new strategy.

We  realized our children needed a change of heart, not just in outward attitude. We want them to have a sense of purpose, and to have pride in what they do – whether it be completing chores or working at school.

So, instead of continuing to battle with our children, we created a hero training program we called “Heart Quest”, around a subject they love – knights.  Someday, our children will be kings and queens of their own homes. They are in hero training now, so that later they will have both the heart and character to rule well.

To begin, we had a ceremony and feast as they entered into their “quest”. The children invited family members and special friends as they took their vows.

For completing chores (with a positive attitude) and exhibiting good and helpful behavior, they earn Quest Dollars (fake money I created. ) They have minor and major quests to complete each day as decree of their King and Queen (ahem, mom and dad) such as making beds – minor quest, emptying dishwasher – major quest.

If they do a chore with a good attitude they are paid more than if they grumble. They also earn treasure chest rewards for working through something that is really hard, for being honorable, having a willing and obedient heart, or being cheerful and thankful. These rewards could be  candy, extra video game time, a special trip to Starbucks or ice cream with mom or dad, or used to purchase a toy.

I pay my children when the other is not present so it doesn’t become a competition, and because, like an allowance, children who have more chores generally earn more. (This avoids the “It’s not fair!”) I give treasure chest rewards (a note card with a chest on the front) in their payment box in secret so it is surprise when they find it, with a note as to why they received this reward.

If they gloat or boast about their reward to their brother, it is taken away.  They also lose Quest Dollars if they have dishonorable behavior such as lying, defiance, and throwing tantrums. They must retrieve the Quest Dollars out of their treasure chest and place them in our hands, thus losing privileges. After all, isn’t a heroes’ journey all about the choices they make and the consequences of those actions?

Although we have not totally eradicated the attitude of self-entitlement or the “it’s not fair” whine and tantrum, there have been huge improvements in my home. My children are proud of their work, they know they are valued, and that good behavior is rewarded.

-posted by Miss Jesikah who thoroughly enjoys being the Queen of her home.

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