Remember that scene in The Sound of Music when Maria and the kids are dancing around her bedroom and the captain comes in and demands “Did I not say bedtime was to be strictly observed?”
Like Captain Von Trapp, some parents have no tolerance for bedtime rule-breaking. Bedtime is to be strictly observed, no questions asked (not even “during Thunderstorms” as was Maria’s tart reply to the Captain). Parents may let other misbehaviors slip by during the day, but bedtime never slides, and a lot of parents end up frustrated, frazzled and frightened by the notion of bedtime.
I understand the desire for getting the kids into bed and having peace and quiet so that I can commandeer the TV…after all, I can’t watch “The Bachelorette” if they’re in the room now, can I? When my kids were younger, I tried many methods for managing the bedtime ritual. Most worked for a while, but none were foolproof. And for some reason, bedtime not being adhered to just sent me over the edge.
I don’t know if it’s because I was tired, worn out or just experiencing a high level of selfishness, but it drove me bonkers that at bedtime even the most obedient child become a dawdler; the most tired child, full of energy; the most well-watered camel became thirstier than they’ve ever been and suddenly, well, how do I say this…nature calls for every child and it simply can’t be ignored (even if it was just addressed when they were in that very room brushing their teeth five minutes ago).
But then I discovered one method that works with 100% success. (And no, it’s not telling them that there are monsters under the bed that will grab their ankles if they get out of it).
My solution…I call it bedTIME. Instead of a simple bedtime routine that included teeth-brushing, prayers, a story and a hasty retreat by Mom, I made bedtime a longer routine that includes time for all the necessities (teeth brushing, bathroom visits, drinks of water, etc) plus all the little extras (story time, finding missing stuffed animal time, question answering time, more drinks of water, talking, more question answering time, etc). The trick? I start it 30 (or more) minutes before I actually want them in bed. Want them in bed at 8:00? Take them to their room at 7:30 and start the routine.
This method works because the reason they are getting out of their beds is because they want time with you. They want your full attention. I know…perhaps you’re thinking “More attention? I give them my full attention ALL DAY.” And I’m sure we think we do. But too often, the attention they’re getting from us during the day is absent-minded, multi-tasking or disinterested.
What I love about this bedTIME method is that I include plenty of time for snuggling, story-telling (we’ve been making up and telling stories for over four years about a mole and a squirrel who are best friends; question-asking, and time for general goofing around.
There’s something about late night talks that are so honest and real. Some of my deepest talks with friends have been at 1 or 2 in the morning. It’s true for your kids, too (only “late night” for little ones might mean 7 or 8 pm). Start spending more time in bed snuggling and talking and you’ll be amazed at the relationship building that goes on. My kids really talk to me at this time of the day. If something is bothering them during the day that I can’t get them to open up about, it always comes out during bedTIME talk. They’ll even ask for “alone talk” so they can share what’s bothering them.
The second reason bedTIME works is because it changed my attitude, which I suspect was the real culprit when dealing with the problems before. My focus was on my wants, not their needs. As soon as I made the switch in my heart and then made the switch in our schedule, it was an instant change of atmosphere.
When I first adjusted my schedule to their needs by moving the start of the bedTIME routine back 30 minutes, my goal was to have all this stuff done and over with by a certain time. But do you know what’s happened? I desire more time with them. This is my favorite part of the day. There are many nights when our talking, singing and story telling will go 40, 50 or even 60 minutes. And you know what? Not once have I minded missing The Bachelorette for that!
-posted by Donna Venning, who just heard an exciting bedTIME story about Morris the Mole and Shirley the Squirrel rescuing one of Mrs. Bunny’s fifteen babies from a waterfall.
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