Cycles of Equilibrium and Disequilibrium: 18 months to 3 years

Understanding stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium in your child can provide emotional comfort and helpful clues for the anxious parent.  It can even turn anxiety into fun as you watch for the cycles.  Just knowing that your child is normal can help you and your family weather a season of toddler terrors.  For example, when I know that all 2 ½ year olds tend to be oppositional, I won’t worry that I’m raising the next Attila the Hun.

According to research done by the Gesell Institute, not only do children have individual personalities, but each age has an individuality of its own. The years characterized by more calm behavior, control, and compliance, (equilibrium,) are 2, 3, 4 and 5.  The years of disequilibrium are 18 months, 2 ½, 3 ½, and 4 ½.  During these seasons, children’s behavior is more likely to be explosive, anxious, unreasonable, and even out of control.

Disequilibrium:  18 Months, 2 ½, 3 ½, 4 ½
Equilibrium:  2, 3, 4, 5

Let me summarize the different stages from the Gesell Institute’s findings.

18 months:  “I want it now!”  At this stage, the child has definite ideas of what he wants, but he doesn’t yet have the words to express himself.  He has trouble accepting delay or failures.  Crying and tantrums result because he doesn’t have the motor skills to do what he wants and he’s not willing to be flexible.  Because he is resistant to change, he is also resistant to sudden transitions.  He avoids them by physically refusing to cooperate. 

When David was this age, I hated trying to get him out of the house and into the car.  Now I know why.  He resisted every stage of the process; shoes tied, jacket on, getting buckled into the car seat. It was an exhausting struggle for both of us.

At this stage, the key to success is parent flexibility.  Patience and good humor will serve you well as you wait out this stage.

Age 2:  “Good Will.”  The two-year-old is willing to conform. She is eager to please.  She has good body control. She falls less, walks and runs easily. Her talk is improving rapidly.  She is able to name her wants.  She is easier to live with because life is easier for her in the stage.

Age 2 ½:  “Oppositional.”  At two, the child was emerging from babyhood. At 2 ½, he is rapidly becoming his own person.  He has become rigid, ritualistic and demanding.  This is when bedtime routines become elaborate and drawn out as each facet cannot be skipped without loud protest. Many an exhausted parent has tried in vain to shorten the process only to find the child will not settle down at all. 2 ½ year olds aren’t cooperative because they desire to exercise their new found skills independently. 

Tomorrow I’ll explain the cycles for equilibrium and disequilibrium for 3-5 year olds.

-posted by Donna Detweiler whose research for this blog is from Gesell Institute’s Child from One to Six:  Evaluating the Behavior of the Pre-school Child.