Cycles of Equilibrium and Disequilibrium: Ages 3 to 5

Last time I explained the characteristics you can expect in your child of age 18 months to 2 ½ as they move through the cycles of equilibrium and disequilibrium. Today, I’m covering ages 3 to 5 years.

Age 3:  “Cooperate.” At age 3, cooperating is the name of the game.  Children love to share.  They have comfortable relationships for the most part.  The have become secure physically and that overflows into an emotional sense of control and well being.

Age 3 ½:  “Insecurity.” While the 3 year old enjoyed physical security, the 3 ½ year old now enters a stage where she stumbles and falls more. But fears and a sense of insecurity now contribute to the cause.  She can have a trembling hand when playing blocks as she tries to put the one perfectly on top.  She tries so hard at new activities that she has lost some of the devil-may-care freedom that often gives beginner’s luck.  She is less certain in her actions.  In language, the 3 ½ year old may have a tendency to stutter.  She is messier as she eats.  Dressing her may be more difficult as she wants more control, but is in an awkward stage and resents the help she needs.  Her chief battles are waged with mom or dad if he is the primary caregiver.

Age 4: “Wild & Wonderful.” The Gesell Institute characterizes the 4 year old as “out-of bounds.”  They have a strong emerging sense of self and are delighted about it.  They tend to be secure and boast and brag freely about their accomplishments.

Age 4 ½ : As four year olds are already characterized as “out of bounds,” the disequilibrium in this stage presents primarily as a greater degree of the same.  When they get angry, they are often “out-of-bounds” in their expressions.  They hit or kick.  When emotional, they cry loudly.  They feel free to make up what they don’t know, so lying is common at this age.

Age 5:  “Peaceful.” At 5 the child is quietly consolidating new skills.  He attempts only what he knows he can achieve.  No longer prone to pushing out the boundaries like the 4-year-old, the five-year-old is interested in sorting through and examining his new collection of skills, abilities and perception, much like a child quietly sorts his favorite collection of shells or marbles.  The five-year-old is inwardly oriented, often content and calm compared to other stages. And he loves to talk, thereby further integrating his experiences.  While his behavior is relatively quieter than other stages, his thoughts are not.  At this age, his interest in being read to is at its peak.  He also loves to hear adults tell him true stories.  Adults often find 5-year-olds delightful to be around.

Age 5 ½:  “Selfish.” All good things must come to and end. The 5 ½ year old believes she should be the center of the world.  She moves between being hesitant, dawdling and indecisive to over demanding, explosive and tense. “When she doesn’t have the courage to defy you outright, she dawdles—which amount to much the same thing.”  Tension and restlessness describe their physical state.  She has trouble sitting still.

All children move through the stages of development at an inexact pace.  However, the research shows that generally, all children go through the stages in six month cycles.  The principle is that one stage is established (equilibrium,) and then it must break up (disequilibrium) so the child can reach a higher, more stable stage of equilibrium.  Interestingly, researchers postulate that we all continue to go through cycles of equilibrium and disequilibrium but to a lesser degree as we continue to grown and learn as adults.

The good news is that whatever stage you’re experiencing, six months of patience and their behavior will likely change! If you understand the cyclical nature of child development, the craziness that sometimes characterizes life with preschoolers can suddenly have a rhythm that makes sense.  As a parent, I’m all for that.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who distinctly remembers being in a state of disequilibrium the first few years of homeschooling her children.