Reviewing this next bite-sized piece from Barbara Curtis’ book, Small Beginnings, made me wish I had toddlers again! No kidding.  I wish I had known about the “sensitive periods” of learning that occur during toddlerhood.  It would have inspired me to know the specific things they were learning and the practical things I could do to make the most of those brief years.  I recall enjoying lots moments of my kids’ toddlerhood, but also recall feeling overwhelmed and a bit under stimulated (ok, bored) at times!  This information is exciting and empowering.  Read on!

Developing Healthy Independence
In every child is a healthy drive to “do it myself.” Bet you knew that already! Although parents get exasperated by this trait, in it lie the seeds of future healthy independence and success. Here’s Barbara’s peek into the future:

“A child whose independence needs were met at the right time in the right spirit—with appropriate boundaries being set—will grow into a teen you can count on. That teen will have a true independent spirit, with an ability to make decision based on his own values rather than going along with his peers. An independent teenager will want to work, will look forward to the day when he can take care of himself, is not afraid of the future.  In adulthood, independence is a must-have for anyone called upon to lead or follow with wisdom.”

How do we accomplish this?  Barbara suggests starting again with observation.  Be constantly on the lookout for the next thing your child can do on his own.  Then we can delight him by inviting him to try a “big kid” activity like helping put the silverware on the table or folding napkins.  The most mundane tasks can be thrilling for a toddler, especially when perceived as important or grown up.

When we identify a task they are ready to learn, we’ll need to allow extra time to train them and extra time for them to try.  Knowing the benefits of independence will help us be less likely to take the easy, quick road of just doing “it” for them.  Barbara reminds us, “The best way to avoid spill and messes is not by keeping everything out of their hands but by using exaggerated care in the little things they watch us do, then giving them opportunities to join.”  Demonstrate how to use two hands to carry a bowl, watching it as you walk and setting it on the table before you sit down.  Rather than pushing slow, little hands out of the way, allow her to perform a task she’s been taught.  Let her know you are counting on her.  This takes patience, but it helps build a child’s sense of self-esteem and worth! 

As our children grow, continue to look for ways to encourage independence.  Teach them to make their breakfast or pack their own lunch.  Show him how to pump up his flat tire by himself.  Allow her to glue her broken toy together. Look for any skill they can perform and let them!

In my next blog I’ll be writing about developing orderliness in your toddler! Barbara says it’s possible.

–posted by Donna Detweiler, who is remembers her three-year-old loving to express her independence by changing her clothes several times each day.

Posted on Friday, November 13th in Child Development, parenting.
Tags: donna detweiler, parenting, toddlers