“I Like Me!” – part 1
Of all the traits we long to see in our children, such as athleticism, poise or smarts, good self-esteem would likely fall near or at the top of our lists. Why? Because we all recognize that good self-esteem goes a long way, even making up for lacks in other areas.
In addition, positive self-esteem paves the way for other characteristics to develop, while low self-esteem can act like a road block. Who among us hasn’t known some incredibly gifted person who never achieved his or her potential because while everyone else believed in them, they didn’t believe in themselves?
In my last blog, I talked about how a preschooler’s self-concept begins to develop. Self-esteem is a special aspect of self-concept that begins or shows up in early childhood. Not surprisingly, young children’s self-esteem develops over time. Early on, children have uncalled for confidence. They tend to believe they can do just about anything they try—and do it well.
This trait is important as they must learn so many new skills at this stage of life. It’s not uncommon to hear a preschooler boasting, “I’m a good climber. Watch me.” or, “I can make the tallest tower.” Children tend to “believe in their own capacity,” which is a God-given nudge toward success.
Researchers note that some children are “non-persisters.” They give up when faced with difficult tasks such as cutting out a picture or working on a hard puzzle. Two studies done by Cain & Dweck and Smiley & Dweck showed that these children “conclude they can’t do the task and are discouraged after failure.” No doubt some children and adults are more prone to harsh self-evaluation and discouragement.
However, another study by Burhan & Dweck concluded that “non-persisting” children more often expressed fear of a parent’s punishment or negative reaction, such as “Daddy’s gonna be mad.”
While the sensitive parent might conclude they are to blame for their child’s fearful or quitting behavior, this would be an overgeneralization because of the complexity of personality development.
What we can learn from the above research is the certainty that parents can contribute positively to the development of a child’s self-esteem and that it is worth being intentional about doing. Through their verbal messages and response to failure, parents can give their children a boost toward good self-esteem.
In my next blog, I will give you five practical ways to foster healthy self-esteem in your children. As you practice affirming your child’s self-esteem, you will be putting in a solid foundation for their future development.
-posted by Donna Detweiler, who would describe herself as a “sensitive parent,” which is why she is cautioning you to take a balanced approach to this topic!
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