“I Like Me!” – part 2

In my last blog, “I Like Me! – part 1,” I discussed how important healthy self-esteem is to a child’s development.  Good self-esteem is an essential component of their future success and satisfaction in life.  As parents, we can intentionally contribute to the positive development of their self-esteem.

Laura Beck, author of Development through the Lifespan, suggests five ways to foster healthy self-esteem in children: 

1. Build a positive relationship–Put aside your agenda at times to give 100% of your attention to your child. Listen.  Share some of your thoughts and feelings. When an adult listens to a child, (s)he feels valued.

2.  Nurture success—Try to have appropriate expectations for your child’s performance and assist them when a task is beyond their capability.  Praise the child for specific accomplishments and display their artwork and other projects, pointing out increasing skill.

3. Foster freedom to choose—Kids love to have a say. Give them appropriate opportunities to make decisions, but be careful.  Too many choices easily overwhelm a young child.  Our current parenting culture actually errs more on the side of giving children too many choices.  Strive for balance here.

4. Acknowledge the child’s emotions—Boy, did I blow this one last week when my son was mad that his team lost in basketball. Instead of affirming his good effort and giving him sympathy and comfort, allowing him to feel the disappointment, I essentially scolded him for expressing his negative feeling. If I could do it over, I would “teach” on handling negative emotions after allowing him to experience my acceptance.

5.  Use a rational approach to discipline–Yelling or unpredictable outbursts in response to problematic behavior in our children is a problematic behavior in itself.  Unpleasant emotional behavior in the parent causes the child to experience fear or anger instead of being able to deal with the situation.  Reasonable discipline keeps the focus on the behavior and promotes self-control and self-confidence in the child.  This happens when the parent uses self-control and self-confidence in the dealing with the problem.  This is easier said than done when our emotions get involved.  I’m always seeking to improve in this area.

Children with good self-esteem are on the road to a productive, satisfying life.  Self-esteem provides them with a valuable resource to handle inevitable difficulties that come along.  They believe they can handle the challenges that life brings. They don’t turn in on themselves in insecurity and self-condemnation, but depend on themselves and others in a healthy way as they function in a fulfilling social context.

-posted by Donna Detweiler who is grateful for parents who modeled a healthy self-esteem.  As the saying goes, “more is caught than taught!”