During the preschool years, physical growth occurs at an amazing rate. Equally impressive is the growth of an invisible aspect of the child; his or her self-concept.

Self-Concept is defined by Laura Beck, author of Development through the Lifespan, as the attributes, abilities, attitudes and values that an individual believes define who he or she is.  At age 3-5, a preschooler’s budding self-concept is very concrete, which is consistent with most aspects of their thinking.  In other words, because the part of the brain responsible for abstract thinking is not yet fully developed, a child only has capacity to deal with what can be experienced with their senses.

Try this experiment:  Ask a 3-5 year old to tell you about himself or herself. According to researchers, the child will tell you about “observable characteristics” such as:

Name:  “I’m Sarah.”
Appearance:  “I have a pink dress with a flower on it.  See?”
Possessions:  “I got Pretty Pony for Christmas!”
Everyday Behaviors:  “I can help wash the car with Daddy.”

As a matter of fact, the preschooler’s self-concept is so intertwined with concrete possessions that defending territory is paramount to defending life. The familiar cry, “Mine!” flows from this developmental stage in which the child feels I-am-my-stuff.

It is interesting to note that that the stronger the child’s self-definition, the more possessive he or she appears to be.  It can be postulated that a child that appears less selfish has not yet developed as strong a sense of self as the “grabber.”

It is a healthy and normal state of affairs when a preschool child begins to clarify the boundary between self and others. Think about this: only when there is a sense of self can children begin to cooperate in playing games.  “I’ll be the mommy.  You be the brother.”  “I’ll drive the truck. You drive the train.” They begin to solve problems together and figure out rules for enjoyable play that requires sharing and compromise. When the inevitable war of the wills arises, the wise parent will affirm the developing self-concept while resolving conflict:

“Yes, that’s your toy, but in a little while, you can give someone else a turn.”

Next time you watch preschoolers at play, have fun looking for these markers of a developing self-concept:

• Concrete descriptions related to self
• Asserting rights to objects
• The beginning of social organization in make-believe play

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who thinks learning to decode children’s behavior makes parenting more interesting!

Posted on Saturday, February 20th in Child Development, parenting.
Tags: brain, donna detweiler, parenting, preschoolers