Self-identity. Who am I?

Our first Symphony Serenade Concert this year falls on Halloween, so you can imagine what the Seattle Symphony wanted our subject matter to be! In the process of writing the script, I got to thinking. What is it about Halloween that kids like so much?

I honestly don’t think it’s the candy (though that’s what may first come to children’s minds!)   I think the pleasure of Halloween is linked to the emotional developmental milestones that young children are working through in the first 5 years of life.  It is emotional maturation (specifically, the development of self-identity) that drives a child’s growth in all other areas.

The process that children go through to build self-identity is often difficult for the grownups to understand.  Most of us don’t remember this part of our own development, which happened between 18 months and 5 years. We may remember events and people ( I remember a snowstorm when I was barely two and my great grandmother who died when I was four). But I don’t recall a lot about the process of becoming who I am.  So when our children begin this journey, it may be a mysterious process for us.

We all love the endearing part of the process that happens at about 18 months. There is lots of peek-a-boo and hide and seek games. Your child comes when you call their name; usually at a run and straight into your open arms.  They call you “mommy” and they are fully aware now that it is your name. By this point, you can play the “where’s your nose, where’s mommy’s nose” game, and they know the difference between you and them. 

Then there’s the irritating side. They fall on the floor in the middle of the grocery store and wail like a banshee because you won’t let them climb up the cereal display.  They smack the child who lives next door and snatch away a toy, and then lay on the floor and wail like a banshee when you take it away and give it back to the other child. Who, by the way, won’t play with it anyway because she’s also lying on the floor wailing like a banshee. And they wail like a banshee when you leave them with grandma to go to a movie with your spouse. And this is the grandma who lives 3 doors down and sees the child everyday of their life, not the one who lives far away and came for a visit once when they were a newborn.

Both the irritating and the endearing parts of this process are normal.  As a child begins to separate their identity from their mother (somewhere between 16 and 18 months) they bound away from her like a joey escaping the pouch (that’s the screaming like a banshee part) only to bound right back in again and make your heart swell in your chest with emotions that are truly beyond words. (That’s the endearing part.)

A child beginning to discover WHO they are is only the first half of the journey to individualism.  This part of the process takes a little less than two years to be completed.  During this period a child acquires language and learns to express himself.  Wailing like a banshee still occurs every now and again, but it is less often.  Children move from parallel play to cooperative play, and begin to make real friends. They potty train and become more and more independent. They are growing up.

By assisting them out of the pouch and helping them back in, we provide a safe and nurturing environment for this process to happen.

But this is only one half of the journey. The second half of the journey is about the world of imagination; the world where costumes are a part of everyday life, where invisible friends come to dinner, and fears stalk the bedroom after dark. 

Our concert theme in October is all about self identity, and how children go about becoming individuals. We will address the first half of this adventure through peek-a-boo play and hide and seek.  By identifying a child by his or her name we can help them to separate from us, and grow into strong individuals. (And if we do it in a song, it’s just more fun!)

We will also explore the importance of costumes, and the nature of fear, and some of the things that help children cope with those fears.  Unfortunately for us grownups, these fears are neither rational or reasonable, and certainly not logical! But having the tools to help our children deal with these upsets makes parenting much easier.

There is a musical focus as well, of course.  A perfect choice (if I do say so myself) for the spookiest night of the year: music in major and minor tonalities.  There will be some new instruments to meet – and a couple of familiar ones as well.

So, come back next week and I’ll talk about the second stage of the developmental process of building identity, and give you some more teasers about the show.

Tickets are available now here – so get them while you can!

-posted by Miss Allison, who is looking forward to seeing you at the symphony on October 31st!