Why Do “Imagine That” Preschoolers Come to Class By Themselves?

Part 2: Who is in Charge of my Feelings?

I recently blogged about why preschoolers need clear leadership to know who is in charge of their actions. Here’s the second reason Imagine That! children come to class by themselves: They need to know who is in charge of their feelings.

The “Boring Side” & The Lack of Transfer
Lack of leadership clarity for the child is especially difficult emotionally. Some children have a hard time with separation when you go over to the “Boring Side” (that’s “Imagine That” code for lobby). If you stay there in plain sight, it is torturous for the child. They don’t understand why you are not coming back to them. They can’t transfer to me, or accept comfort from their classmates because you are still there. Mom trumps teacher, ALWAYS!

The Magic From Their Classmates
But when you kiss them goodbye with a smile, a “have fun,” and a genuine wish for them to be happy, magic happens as soon as you walk through those glass doors. The other children will come and tell their very sad classmate that mom will come back. They pat and stroke, and whisper words of comfort and deliver tissues for tears to be stored in. They are amazing.

The Amazing Lesson in Emotions & Compassion
I hold on to that sad little person until they are ready to be put down. (I can run, jump, skip, and sing while carrying two children who are screaming in my ears and digging their little fingers into my neck. Really, I can.) It is not disruptive to my class to have a crying child. Crying happens when you are a child. We all have to learn to cope with sadness, and how to express our feelings and to receive help from our friends. This is one of the best teachable moments for the class. I can teach compassion to a group of 3 and 4 year olds through the unhappy child who is struggling to separate. It may not be on my lesson plan, but if it’s what they need to learn right now, then it’s my job to teach what the moment brings me.

The Strongest Relationships & The Most Gung-ho Learners
Very often, I have a mom say to me after a class where their child cried, either a little bit or a lot. “Maybe I should stay next week. It’s not fair to you, Miss Allison, or the other kids… I don’t want to be disruptive…” Trust me when I say that the children I have the strongest relationships with are the ones whose bonds were forged in the fires of angst over separation anxiety.

And, the kids who are the biggest lovers of Kindermusik, learning, and going to school are the ones who clung to me and screamed until I thought I’d go deaf the first time mommy kissed them goodbye and left them with me. They are the ones who throw themselves into the learning wholeheartedly, and unreservedly. I think it’s because, through this process, they learn to trust me, and even more importantly, they learn that YOU trust me.

The People Who Treat You as Precious
They have learned that the world has people who will care for them, dry their tears, pat their back, kiss away their fears, and cheer their victories. They know there are friends who will hold your hand when you need it, and smile. They have learned that they are precious and beyond value, worthy of time and effort and love. They already know you, their family, feel this way about them. But, it is pretty amazing to learn that someone who isn’t required by the laws of biology to love you, does anyway. The children are empowered to embrace the learning environment without reservation.

So, yeah. It’s a hard day when you have to leave your child crying in the classroom with me. But, please know that we’ll be okay. You can go have some coffee (down the street where we can’t see you). You’ve earned these 35 minutes of grown-up time!

- posted by Miss Allison who knows it’s a hard day when you walk out the door knowing that your child is sobbing in my arms. But trust me, as soon as you are out of sight, the sobbing is so much more easily calmed. And the mom whose child is sobbing? She needs your help with a tissue and perhaps an invitation to coffee.