Great Ideas for Parenting Toddlers: Instilling Selflessness through Service

During the course of reviewing the book, Small Beginnings, by Barbara Curtis, I’ve learned many valuable principles that apply not only to toddlers, but to humans of any age.  Today’s chapter on teaching our toddlers to serve others has inspired my own desire to serve.  What a perfect subject for the Christmas season when we celebrate God’s selfless giving to us and we give to others as a result. What a great season to teach our toddlers first lessons on the joy of serving others.

By having responsibility early in life, toddlers feel they are an important family member.  In addition, the sensitive period for service is stimulated.  In Barbara’s family, which includes eleven children, the youngest children are given opportunity to do whatever they are capable of. The two-year olds empty and put away the plastics from the dishwasher.  They look forward to graduating to unloading the breakables, a grown-up privilege rather than a duty. When a child has not been given opportunity to serve early on, he will resent being asked to later on in life.  Responsibility breeds responsibility!

Home life and household chores provide a perfect opportunity to develop a serving attitude. Because the first born will often set the tone, and most children learn by imitating others, it’s important to train the oldest to be the role model. In deciding how our children will participate in home jobs, we need to be practical and thoughtful about what we ask them to do. Barbara uses a set of questions:

Can he do it himself?
Can someone younger do it?
Can it be done differently?
Does it need to be done at all?

The last two questions relate to our expectations or performance standards.  Often we’ll have one idea of how a chore should be performed that is not practical for a child, or we’ll have such high standards that the child is doomed to fail. We need show our children how to do a task and accept the child’s best, often lowering our standards.  The only other option is to do it ourselves, which is easier in the short run but makes for trouble later as we try and motivate children who are used to being served rather than serving.  Another pitfall is to avoid enforcing perfectionistic standards, which inadvertently teaches our children to hate chores.

 A toddler can wipe a bathroom sink with disinfectant wipes.  She can use a small brush and dust pan to scoop cereal and crumbs from the kitchen floor or take a small load of dirty clothes and put them in the laundry bin.  Barbara calls for “10 minute pick-ups” during the day when the clutter begins to overwhelm her. Everyone helps get the house back to a tolerable level of order. When I began to involve my young children in house cleaning, I was amazed at how much they could accomplish. My load felt instantly lighter. I realized how I need their service.  Their contribution is important in our family life.

 Serving starts with our own heart attitude. How do we feel about serving?  Are we setting an example as we do the many service oriented jobs included in parenting?  Or do we often have a resentful attitude that spills over onto our children? Are they seeing us serve family members and others outside the home?  

Just yesterday, as I was fighting my losing battle against clutter, I decided rather than rant and rave about the stuff all over the house, I’d give a little grace (after all it is Christmas) and I’d put some stuff away for them instead of calling them to task on it.  When I served my children with a joyful attitude, instead of resentfulness, something magical happened. Not only did I feel great, but my attitude affected the whole atmosphere of the house.  We were all kinder to one another after I set a serving tone.

 “A child who grows up with a healthy attitude toward serving will be competent and confident.” What human being doesn’t experience a boost in self-esteem after performing a selfless act of giving? If we teach our toddlers to serve early in life, we are starting them on the path of becoming selfless grown-ups.  And they’ll be set up for a joyful life because of the inherent satisfaction and blessing which results from an other-centered lifestyle. “Loving service is the key to true satisfaction in life.”

 -posted by Donna Detweiler, whose friend is teaching her children to serve by carrying in her car Ziploc bags her children have filled with basic toiletries and snacks to give to homeless people they encounter.