5:30 pm – The dinner table is set. Grilled chicken, brown rice, broccoli. Standard dinner fare at the Venning home. Nothing outrageous, nothing wild, nothing exotic or offensive.
5:40 – We enjoy a dinnertime chat as we eat and make plans to go on an evening bike trip. The Little Mister is happily eating his chicken.
5:47 - Dinner is done; everyone leaves the table to prepare for the bike trip. Adrienne goes to change into a less formal dress, Kevin looks for his helmet. The Little Mister has disappeared. In his high chair sits his alter ego, The Naughty Magnet. His chicken is gone and before him sits three small pieces of broccoli…a food he eats at least four times a week and has always enjoyed. Tonight, he isn’t eating it. Lunch was at 12:30 and we didn’t have an afternoon snack, so I know his belly is hungry. The showdown has begun.
Jason having a hissy fit.
5:58 -The slight fussing about his broccoli has turned into whining and crying. He’s made several attempts to get out of his high chair, but the warden puts the kibosh on that; he must finish his broccoli.
6:07 – The fussing has continued. It’s an all-out war of the wills. Many an inexperienced parent would give in, thinking “Oh, he’s full,” or “I don’t want to force him to eat something he doesn’t like.” Not this Momma. I have the patience of a saint when it comes to food wars.
6:11 -The Naughty Magnet remains in his high chair, playing with his water bottle. His brother comes in and tries to coax him into eating; he shows him some yogurt pretzels that we’ve packed for a snack, bribing him that if he eats his broccoli, he’ll get some pretzels. But The Naughty Magnet is quicker than his brother realizes: in a flash, the pretzel is snatched from his brother’s hand and inserted into the Naughty Magnet’s mouth. So much for the theory that he’s full. This is confirmation that this isn’t about broccoli…it’s about getting his own way.
6:16 – After five minutes of silence, the Naughty Magnet says “done” and makes another attempt at getting out of his high chair. The innocent “done” might fool some folks, but this Momma is not fooled. In a pleasant voice, I calmly tell him “No. Finish your broccoli, please,” and give him a sweet smile. His response? Wails of frustration.
6:20 - Decision Time. Everyone is ready to leave. At this point, it would be the most fun and convenient for me to say “Well, I tried,” and get him out of his chair for the bike ride. But that would defeat the whole point of the last 30 minute battle of the wills. I must set aside my desire to go on a family bike ride and instead, ride out the battle before me. I kiss the rest of my family good-bye. Howls emit from the high chair because he knows he’s missing something. I grab a magazine, plop into a comfy chair in the living room and wait.
Stopping long enough to smile for the camera!
6:26 - It’s been six solid minutes of crying, with one pause. I got out the camera to take picture of Mr. Stubborn and he actually posed for the photo! He stopped his crying long enough to smile for the picture. Now if THAT isn’t proof that a child this age has more self-control than most parents think, I don’t know what is.
6:28 – It’s very quiet in the high chair. I glace up from my magazine and see it…The Naughty Magnet is gone; The Little Mister has returned and is happily munching on his broccoli. He has just put the third and final piece of broccoli into his mouth. I get up and lavish him with praise. High fives, hugs and as soon as he’s done chewing, a dance and “swoops” in Mommy’s arms around the living room, while I sing a song about “the good boy who ate his broccoli and the smart boy who made a wise decision.”
The point? Perseverance and patience. Many parents decide that the battle of food is not one they want to enter, and that is their choice. I have chosen with each of my children to require them to eat the food I make. Now, Kevin never liked potatoes (except the deep fried kind that you get at in the drive through) and I could tell when we served them to him that it wasn’t about asserting his will; he simply did not like potatoes in any form. Jason has never liked eggs. So I let that go.
That’s the balance you have to find as a parent. You need to discern if the refusal is a legitimate dislike or if it’s a battle of the wills. If it’s a battle of the wills, you need to win it. Persevere. Be willing to lay aside your temporary plans (like a bike ride) to be consistent and to let your child know that they cannot win this one. Stay pleasant while they fuss. Firm doesn’t have to be mean. Firm can be cheerful.
You may think “That seems too harsh” or “It’s just a meal…what’s the big deal?” but I’m telling you…this is just testing ground for what’s ahead. Giving in to a child who refuses to eat a food is preparing yourself to be a short-order cook, catering meals to each family member’s likes and dislikes. And on the broader scale, it’s a testing ground for your kids. They want to know…if I’m stubborn, if I hold out, will I wear her down and get my way? And usually, they do.
Moms and Dads, temporarily lay aside your other plans and focus on the character training you are doing. When you let them win the battle, they are training you. Don’t let that become the norm at your home. You are the parent, you do the training. Stick with it. It’s worth it in the long run.
-posted by Sheriff Donna Venning, who has had more than one showdown at suppertime and is now reaping the benefits…children who actually enjoy eating vegetables (including Brussels sprouts).
QUICK LINKS
