Studio3Music Blog

Posts Tagged ‘preschoolers’

Jan
29

Challenging Behavior: Helpful Words

Posted in Child Development, Family, parenting

So far, we’ve talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline, and tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
Am I being respectful or patronizing?
Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

It is important to provide a connection before correction:

State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tags: parenting, preschoolers, teacher aaron

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Jan
28

Challenging Behavior: What to do when someone flips their lid.

Posted in Child Development, parenting

Yesterday, I talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline. Today, I want to give you some tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

Tips for when YOU have flipped your lid:

Recognize what it feels like physically: fast heart beats, redness of the face and neck, sense of urgency. Learn your body’s warning signs.
Recognize what it feels like mentally: An inability to think calmly and clearly. Thoughts that repeat or go in circles. A sense of urgency
Take a time out from the situation and calm down: Recognize that continued engagement won’t help. Take a moment to calm down and breathe. Remove yourself.
Focus on your breathing: Do it slowly. In and out.
Use large muscles: walk, run, bike, do push-ups, or yoga. Anything to keep yourself moving.
Try engaging your cortex: Do mental math, count backwards, list facts. Anything to slow the pace.
Notice why you’re in “survival mode.” This situation makes me feel vulnerable because I’m not being heard, I’m not being respected, etc. Don’t take it personally. Your brain thinks it’s about survival, when it really isn’t.

Tips for when THEY have flipped their lid (child or adult):

Watch for signs in the other person: Intense emotions, disjointed sentences, irrational action, flushed/red face.
Notice your body: Use those mirror neurons. Get down on the child’s level. Be calm and speak slowly. Use simple words. This makes it easier for them to calm down too. Don’t let their “flipped lid” catch you off guard.
Remember safety: People unable to use their cortex act irrationally and can be physically dangerous. Be calm, stay aware, and move slowly.
Acknowledge feelings: Use few words and speak slowly. “I can tell you’re frustrated” or “I see tears running down your face, you must be sad.”
Talk TO them not AT them: Don’t make fast movements. They may want to be touched or they may not want to be touched, be aware of what their body language is telling you. If they want to leave (and it is safe), let them.
Give them space, don’t crowd: Don’t give complicated directions (they cannot process them), keep it simple. Don’t demand from them.
Invite them to take a CDT (Cool Down Time): This is similar to a time-out, but instead is non-punitive. This works best as an option, not a command.
Simple tasks engage his/her cortext: Ask him how his name is spelled. Ask her to count to ten. Math and literacy are both great ways to do this.
Ask for their help: Finally, when they begin to de-escalate, change their focus by asking for their help. “I can tell you aren’t ready to play yet, but can you help me get these things from the cupboard?” or “I know you can’t go back to work yet, but could you help me by…?”

The foundation of the tools to helping young children self-regulate is the relationships we build with them. Discipline means not just what we do during moments of challenging behavior, but how we encourage children to be better people. This is a concept adopted from Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Positive discipline

inspire with courage.”

We do this by helping children self-evaluate themselves (“tell me about it” or “what do you think?”). Instead of conformity (“you did it right”, “I’m so proud of you”), build empathy (“I can see you enjoyed that”, “what do you think and feel?”). Appreciate them by being specific (“I appreciate your help with…” or “who can show me the proper way to sit?”).

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some helpful words and phrases to use in the process of discipline.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who takes some hot tea to a quiet corner when he’s flipped his lid.

Tags: parenting, preschoolers, teacher aaron

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Jan
27

What do I do about challenging behavior?

Posted in Child Development, Education, parenting

It’s the mystery of not just childhood, but all human behavior. As we get older, we learn how to communicate our needs and regulate our emotions. But how, then, do we teach our children these skills? Why does challenging behavior happen? Where does it happen? How do we look for it? And most importantly, what do we do about it?

We want to understand:

how we make meaning of our experiences
how challenging behavior is a solution to a different problem
what are the practical tools for young children to self-regulate
the recovery tools in developing minds
how to use several tools for improving relationships with young children

As irrational as it sometimes appears, we know that behavior is always purposeful. The purpose of behavior is to find belonging (a sense of connection) and meaning (significance). People make decisions based on how they perceive the world. A perception leads to an interpretation which leads to a belief, and then a decision based on that belief which leads back to a new perception. Children do this all the time. They use their senses to make interpretations. “How heavy is this block?” “What does tomato soup smell like?” “I can see steam; that must mean it’s hot.” “When I see a black bird, I notice it makes a certain sound.” Children make these interpretations in an effort to organize the world around them.

So when there is a “problem,” it really is a solution to another problem that we just are not aware of yet. A child who is “misbehaving” is, rather, discouraged. Children want to feel a sense of community. Being in one and contributing to it. We need to teach children ways to accomplish their goals that are appropriate and safe. By encouraging a child instead of discouraging them, we give them the power to solve problems autonomously.

This happens when we:

Teach life skills to children.
Pay attention to the power of perception.
Focus on encouragement (connection and presence with children).
Be kind and firm at the same time.
Look to mutual respect. Respect for yourself. Respect for the situation. Respect for the needs of the child.
Celebrate mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Look to solutions rather than punishment.

These are the building blocks for effective discipline. Parents struggle with this word all the time. “What is discipline and how can I be sure it’s appropriate?” Taken from Adler, a prominent child developmentalist, effective discipline helps children feel a sense of community by being mutually respectful and encouraging. What is the child thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about herself in her world? What does he do in the future to survive and thrive? So it is effective long term. Discipline teaches important social and life skills such as respect for others, problem solving, cooperation, and contributing to the world around him. It also helps a child to discover how capable she truly is.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about some tips for when that mid-brain takes over and the challenging behavior comes out. There are tips for when your child “flips her lid” and for when YOU flip your lid.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who is a Preschool Director in his other, non-Kindermusik life!

Tags: parenting, preschoolers, teacher aaron

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Jan
25

Neighborhood Kids Club

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Things to do

As parents, one of our most important jobs is to help facilitate our kids’ ideas. Not that I’m always good at deviating from my adult routines, which all too often dominate. But once in a while, I find myself caught up in their vision, and it makes for memorable, important experiences for us both.

On such moment was the neighborhood kids club my daughter decided to host. She was around 8 years old at the time. We often had families with younger children visit, and she had an interest in these little ones. Her girlfriend who lived next-door was also, and one day they hatched the neighborhood kids club idea.

They created elaborate plans which they excitedly showed me. A permission slip was designed. Lists of games prepared. A detailed schedule constructed, including when the children would take a potty break and have a nap. The 5 children invited ranged from 2 to 4 years old.

We chose a date, and the girls called each of the parents. The children were thrilled to have been invited to “Katie’s house.” The mothers’ reaction was much the same. And so the plans were set.

The girls worked hard to get everything ready. They refined their lists. Got out the age-appropriate toys. They enthusiastically shopped for snacks and juice boxes at the store. They could hardly wait.

The moms and kids arrived and signed in their children. Smiles were on all faces as these young girls took charge of these delighted little ones. Much to my surprise, most of the moms actually left, which tells you how desperate mothers can be for time away!

For the next hour and a half, the budding teachers cared for their little charges. They played Ring around the Rosie, and toss the balloon. They had a snack and played outside. They read a story. They also chased around little boys who wouldn’t sit in a circle, or play a game, or do anything they were told to do. They learned that sometimes the schedule doesn’t work and that kids do what they want to do and you can’t make them do what YOU want them to.

At the end of the club, the mom’s picked up their children, who got hugs and kisses before they reluctantly left. The teachers were not so reluctant to see them go. They were exhausted!

“Mom, that wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be,” said my tired daughter.

“Well, let’s talk about that,” I responded. “What did you learn?”

A lot, we concluded. Little kids don’t sit in circles very well. They like to play outside the best. Some kids don’t like to color. Snack time was a success.

“I think stations for coloring and snack would be a good idea for next time,” she concluded. “And we’ll play more games outside too.”

And they did. The next club was better than the first. But she was still pretty tired at the end. Reality.

I’d recommend encouraging your interested kids to host a neighborhood kids club. It was a great experience for my daughter and didn’t take much planning or extra work for me. We had all the resources at home. The kids made the entire plan. I played a supporting role and enjoyed it.

I’m not sure if my daughter is destined to be a teacher or not, but I know that she learned a lot, not only about kids, but about having an idea and seeing it come to life, imperfections and all. And isn’t that what life is about.

-posted by Donna Detweiler, who sees how having older children interact with younger children is a win for everyone.

Tags: Donna Detweiler, learning, preschoolers, Things to do

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Oct
30

Cornflake Trees and Snowy Owls

Posted in Family, Things to do

Let me introduce to you our youngest blogger, Adrian Owen K. He doesn’t know he’s a celebrity yet, though. He is a Kindermusik rock star, of course! He’s just 7 (almost 8!) years old, and is in his last year of Kindermusik. If my memory serves me right, he’s been with us since babyhood.

Anyway, he asked his momma to send us this poem he’s been reciting (and teaching to his younger brother, Patrick).

“Autumn”, by Thelma Ireland

Cornflake leaves
Beneath the trees,
Are they a breakfast
For the breeze?

I was inspired to find a cornflake craft, and lo and behold – here you go.

Project list
1 piece brown construction paper
1 piece light blue construction paper
pencil
marker
scissors
liquid glue (not a glue stick)
1 small hand and arm (firmly attached to a small child)

On the brown paper, trace around the child’s hand (fingers spread out) and lower arm. Cut out the tracing.
Crumple up the paper to add tree trunk texture, and then smooth the paper out. Your child might be completely horrified that you are doing this to their beautiful hand and arm cutout, so if that becomes a problem, just skip it.
Glue the “tree” to the light blue paper, leaving room to write the poem.
Write the poem on the paper.
Glue cornflake leaves onto the branches and ground.
Now, hang display your child’s creation, and learn the poem together.

Owen also, (and rightly so) asked his momma to include this second cute little ditty.

“Mr. Owl”, by Edna Hamilton

I saw an owl up in a tree,
I looked at him, he looked at me.
I couldn’t tell you of his size,
For all I saw were two big eyes.
As soon as I could make a dash,
Straight home I ran, quick as a flash.

Of course this poem needs a cute craft as well.

Project list
a pinecone (Go take a walk in the park or woods to find one.)
cotton balls
googly eyes
felt
scissors
glue

Stretch or unroll the cotton balls.
Pull the cotton all over the pinecone. (It shouldn’t need any glue.)
From the felt, cut out a triangle for a beak, and round circles for the eyes.
Glue googly eyes on top of the felt circles.
Glue the eyes and beak to your Snowy Owl.
Make an owl family. (Because he’ll be lonely if you don’t.)
Learn the poem together.

Now, have a gallery showing and recitation to adoring fans. Don’t forget to serve dessert!

Thanks, Adrian Owen K.!

-posted by Miss Analiisa, who made her wonderful husband Karl go to the store at 9:30 at night to get cornflakes (which nobody eats around here), so she could make this craft and take pictures for you! Anyone want the rest of the box?