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Posts Tagged ‘teacher aaron’

Jan
29

Challenging Behavior: Helpful Words

Posted in Child Development, Family, parenting

So far, we’ve talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline, and tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

In my final blog, I want to provide you with some words to use when you are working with the challenging behavior of children.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I inspiring self-evaluation or dependence on the evaluation of others?
  • Am I being respectful or patronizing?
  • Am I helping them discover how to act or trying to manipulate their behavior?
  • Am I seeing the child’s point of view or my own?
  • Would I make this comment to a friend or neighbor?

 It is important to provide a connection before correction:

  1. State clear expectations… “As soon as you finish, you may… ”
  2. Respond with a question… “Would you like to do this by yourself, or do you want/need help?”
  3. State a given (i.e. rule or condition)… “I can’t let you do that, those words are hurtful.” “The balls stay outside.” “It’s not time for that now. It’s ok to be disappointed.”
  4. Check his/her understanding… “Tell me how we’re solving this problem.” “What’s the next step before we can… ”
  5. Invite cooperation… “I need your help with this.”
  6. Limit choices… “Would you like to put this away now or after dinner?”
  7. Say what you want and mean… “I want you to use your body in a different way. That feels unsafe. Try this… ”
  8. Negotiate an agreement… “I can’t let you do that, it hurts her body. But you can climb up this way.”
  9. Use non-verbal language such as a hand on the shoulder or a secret nod.
  10. Follow through… “Time to… now”. Be sure to follow through yourself. Don’t use the word “now” if you’ll get busy and forget to follow through.

Most of all, anticipate and be ok with mistakes. They are opportunities to learn. We all make them. Remember to recover from a mistake.

  • Re-gather: Everyone has had ample time to calm down.
  • Recognize: “Whoops, I made a mistake.”
  • Reconcile: “I’m sorry.”
  • Re-solve: “How can we work together to make it better?”

-posted  by Teacher Aaron, who wants to remind you to think about how these tactics work best for you and your family. Share them with your parenting partner and keep the discussion going!

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Jan
28

Challenging Behavior: What to do when someone flips their lid.

Posted in Child Development, parenting

Yesterday, I talked about the why’s of challenging behavior and the building blocks for successful discipline. Today, I want to give you some tips for dealing with challenging behavior (aka “flipping your lid”).

Tips for when YOU have flipped your lid:

  • Recognize what it feels like physically: fast heart beats, redness of the face and neck, sense of urgency. Learn your body’s warning signs.
  • Recognize what it feels like mentally: An inability to think calmly and clearly. Thoughts that repeat or go in circles. A sense of urgency
  • Take a time out from the situation and calm down: Recognize that continued engagement won’t help. Take a moment to calm down and breathe. Remove yourself.
  • Focus on your breathing: Do it slowly. In and out.
  • Use large muscles: walk, run, bike, do push-ups, or yoga. Anything to keep yourself moving.
  • Try engaging your cortex: Do mental math, count backwards, list facts. Anything to slow the pace.
  • Notice why you’re in “survival mode.” This situation makes me feel vulnerable because I’m not being heard, I’m not being respected, etc. Don’t take it personally. Your brain thinks it’s about survival, when it really isn’t.

Tips for when THEY have flipped their lid (child or adult):

  • Watch for signs in the other person: Intense emotions, disjointed sentences, irrational action, flushed/red face.
  • Notice your body: Use those mirror neurons. Get down on the child’s level. Be calm and speak slowly. Use simple words. This makes it easier for them to calm down too. Don’t let their “flipped lid” catch you off guard.
  • Remember safety: People unable to use their cortex act irrationally and can be physically dangerous. Be calm, stay aware, and move slowly.
  • Acknowledge feelings: Use few words and speak slowly. “I can tell you’re frustrated” or “I see tears running down your face, you must be sad.”
  • Talk TO them not AT them: Don’t make fast movements. They may want to be touched or they may not want to be touched, be aware of what their body language is telling you. If they want to leave (and it is safe), let them.
  • Give them space, don’t crowd: Don’t give complicated directions (they cannot process them), keep it simple. Don’t demand from them.
  • Invite them to take a CDT (Cool Down Time): This is similar to a time-out, but instead is non-punitive. This works best as an option, not a command.
  • Simple tasks engage his/her cortext: Ask him how his name is spelled. Ask her to count to ten. Math and literacy are both great ways to do this.
  • Ask for their help: Finally, when they begin to de-escalate, change their focus by asking for their help. “I can tell you aren’t ready to play yet, but can you help me get these things from the cupboard?” or “I know you can’t go back to work yet, but could you help me by…?”

The foundation of the tools to helping young children self-regulate is the relationships we build with them. Discipline means not just what we do during moments of challenging behavior, but how we encourage children to be better people. This is a concept adopted from Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. Positive discipline

inspire with courage.”

We do this by helping children self-evaluate themselves (“tell me about it” or “what do you think?”). Instead of conformity (“you did it right”, “I’m so proud of you”), build empathy (“I can see you enjoyed that”, “what do you think and feel?”). Appreciate them by being specific (“I appreciate your help with…” or “who can show me the proper way to sit?”).

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some helpful words and phrases to use in the process of discipline.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who takes some hot tea to a quiet corner when he’s flipped his lid.

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Jan
27

What do I do about challenging behavior?

Posted in Child Development, Education, parenting

It’s the mystery of not just childhood, but all human behavior. As we get older, we learn how to communicate our needs and regulate our emotions. But how, then, do we teach our children these skills? Why does challenging behavior happen? Where does it happen? How do we look for it? And most importantly, what do we do about it?

We want to understand:

  1. how we make meaning of our experiences
  2. how challenging behavior is a solution to a different problem
  3. what are the practical tools for young children to self-regulate
  4. the recovery tools in developing minds
  5. how to use several tools for improving relationships with young children

As irrational as it sometimes appears, we know that behavior is always purposeful. The purpose of behavior is to find belonging (a sense of connection) and meaning (significance). People make decisions based on how they perceive the world. A perception leads to an interpretation which leads to a belief, and then a decision based on that belief which leads back to a new perception. Children do this all the time. They use their senses to make interpretations. “How heavy is this block?” “What does tomato soup smell like?” “I can see steam; that must mean it’s hot.” “When I see a black bird, I notice it makes a certain sound.” Children make these interpretations in an effort to organize the world around them.

So when there is a “problem,” it really is a solution to another problem that we just are not aware of yet. A child who is “misbehaving” is, rather, discouraged. Children want to feel a sense of community. Being in one and contributing to it. We need to teach children ways to accomplish their goals that are appropriate and safe. By encouraging a child instead of discouraging them, we give them the power to solve problems autonomously.

This happens when we:

  • Teach life skills to children.
  • Pay attention to the power of perception.
  • Focus on encouragement (connection and presence with  children).
  • Be kind and firm at the same time.
  • Look to mutual respect. Respect for yourself. Respect for the situation. Respect for the needs of the child.
  • Celebrate mistakes as opportunities to learn.
  • Look to solutions rather than punishment.

These are the building blocks for effective discipline. Parents struggle with this word all the time. “What is discipline and how can I be sure it’s appropriate?” Taken from Adler, a prominent child developmentalist, effective discipline helps children feel a sense of community by being mutually respectful and encouraging. What is the child thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about herself in her world? What does he do in the future to survive and thrive? So it is effective long term. Discipline teaches important social and life skills such as respect for others, problem solving, cooperation, and contributing to the world around him. It also helps a child to discover how capable she truly is.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about some tips for when that mid-brain takes over and the challenging behavior comes out. There are tips for when your child “flips her lid” and for when YOU flip your lid.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who is a Preschool Director in his other, non-Kindermusik life!

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Dec
28

How Can I Help My Child to be a Book Worm?

Posted in Child Development, Education, parenting

I love reading. I love to read the newspaper, the signs on the sides of buses, scary thriller novels, funny autobiographies, historical fiction, or even the nutrition facts on the label just because the words are there! In fact, I remember growing up and seeing my mother and father reading. Sometimes I would say, “Can we play outside, please?!” and my mom would simply turn to me and say “Not now dear, I’m reading. But I will play outside with you when I am done.”

Looking back, those words were so important for me because I knew that my mom valued reading for pleasure. Now, as an educator, I think about how can children learn to read for pleasure. How do they develop a love for reading?

Reading involves two major processes: comprehending (what words mean) and decoding (recognizing and sounding out words). Children begin these processes far before Kindergarten. We call this phonological awareness and alphabet knowledge. Phonological awareness is a rather broad term that also includes the more familiar term phonemic awareness. When a person has phonological awareness, he or she can recognize the sound structure of speech, or in other words, the ability to perceive word sounds and to pronounce parts of words.

Even infants do this! They are starting this when they babble. You sit with your baby in your lap and you say “bah, bah, baaaah” or “zu, zu, zu.” At ages 3 and 4, children can already hear rhymes like small, ball, tall and also alliterations like fast, free, foam, flick. Practicing these skills helps them to break down words. Later, at ages 5 and 6, they can break down words into syllables, identify sounds of words, and even hear different sounds in the middle of words too. In preschool, we play with words all the time. Maybe we will be reading a book by Dr. Seuss and make up as many rhymes as we can to the word lorax or schloot. We’ll sing songs that rhyme and separate the rhyming words. We also say rhymes during circle time or on the way to outside. Here’s a rhyming finger play as an example:

                Two little black birds sitting on the hill (hold up both index fingers)
                One named Jack and the other named Jill (wiggle one, wiggle the other)
                Fly away Jack, fly away Jill (put one hand behind your back then the other)
                Come back Jack, Come back Jill (bring back one hand, then the other)

We’ll even ask children what else the black birds are sitting on. Maybe they’re sitting on a pot and one is named Jack and the other is named Snot! Children love being silly with rhymes and it helps them enjoy reading when it can be silly. That way when they come to a book, they remember the rhyming words they sang about earlier.

Alphabet knowledge is also really important for little readers. Young children are engaged in representing familiar objects and actions in a variety of ways, including writing. After all, reading and writing go together, we don’t learn them separately. Children easily love writing as much as reading. They see us write! They examine texts on signs, in books, on the way to school, at the park, everywhere! They are learning how to recognize and name familiar letters, especially those in their own name.

“The word ‘stop’ as a ‘T’ in it, just like my name!”

By experimenting with these letters, they start to write actual letters of words that are significant to them. Even if you feel like you can’t bare another read through of Goodnight Moon for the 5th time that night, just remember that your child is developing a love for reading by bonding with you in your arms as you read together. Explore letters by using alphabet puzzles, magnetic letters, alphabet games, blocks, stamps, stencils, and charts. We want them to play with these manipulatives and have fun with them. Play Alphabet Yoga together and go through some of their favorite letters by posing as the letter with your whole body!

Finally, when you read with your child, open up a dialogue throughout the book. This is called Dialogic Reading. Research has shown that the way we read with children is just as important as how frequently we read with them. When a child is an active participant in the story, they retain it better. They also show greater gain in vocabulary then when you simply read the book straight through. So when you read, have a conversation about the story. Let them talk and don’t interrupt them, even if it’s hard. Children can take a while to process information before they speak it out loud. In your head, after you ask a question, count three alligators.

There are many ways to engage a child in dialogic reading.

The first thing to remember is to ask them questions, and evaluate what they say. Then expand on their response and repeat what they say. For example, maybe you’re reading Where the Wild Things Are. You might turn to a page and ask “why do you think Max is upset?” They might say “because he had to go to his room without his supper.” Then you might expand on this by saying “wow, I can understand how he feels. Would you feel upset too if that happened to you?”

If a child knows a book really well, leave parts of it blank. Let them finish the sentences. This works especially well for books that rhyme.

You can also recall parts of the book. “Wait, why is Max upset?”

Last, be sure to ask your child open-ended questions such as “tell me what’s going on in this picture.” Open-ended questions help children increase expressive language and attention to detail. Children also love to relate the story to their own lives. “Wow, I have a monster suit just like Max!”

These strategies are a few that will help your child be a little book worm. Helping children to develop a love and appreciation for reading now will go a long way. And don’t forget to have them see you read too! After all, when children know that you love reading, they will too.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who leaves you with a favorite quote by Dr. Seuss: The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

 

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Jan
18

I am a Superhero

Posted in Bits and Pieces, Child Development, Education

Superhero play is inevitable. We see it all the time. A child runs around with a cape around his shoulders and says “I am shooting fireballs!” Sometimes, to adults, it can seem scary. Children are loud and are often enacting rough play with things that kill or destroy. However, superhero play is a powerful tool for parents and teachers by opening up the dialogue to teach children about helping others.

Superhero play helps children move their bodies by jumping, running, and trying new gross motor skills like climbing across the monkey bars. It also helps children feel powerful and in control when they are in a world that usually makes them feel just the opposite. Children engage in superhero play to feel as powerful as adults.

Although typically with less rough-and-tumble play, girls are superheroes just as often as boys. They may be less physical than boys, but they require just as much attention from adults. Just the other day, a child made a mask and cape at school during a craft project. She was using her “loving powers” to help people feel better who were sad or hurt. Later, she went home and with her mom, made hearts to bring to school the next day. Then she handed them out to other children at school.

That same week a 4 year old boy used his super brain powers to help others solve problems they can’t figure out. He could give them parts of his “super brain stuff” to help them “do hard stuff they can’t do by themselves.”

Superhero play in the classroom

When children play as superheroes, they learn how to respond to the needs and wants of others. They have to be able to operate in a group setting where everyone has different ideas about the game. Who has what super powers? How do they work? Are there bad guys and good guys? What’s fair in this game? Teachers and parents can help children distinguish between things that these characters do that hurt versus things that help. It’s important to open up the conversation that addresses qualities that superheroes have which help and benefit others.

Children who may find it difficult to voice their opinions are often empowered when pretending to be a superhero. It’s so wonderful and attractive to a child to be something strong and powerful. This is when a child who is quiet most often in play all of a sudden is shouting loudly with a big smile. By taking on another persona, a child can practice being brave or responding to difficult or stressful situations. Here is an anecdote from last week that illustrates how a child used his superhero game to help a classmate:

Kaveh: I can move so fast!
Me: Wow, I could really use your help.
Kaveh: I can do anything
Me: Can you help me rescue someone? She is in trouble.
Kaveh: I’ll help you
(he and I race off to a girl who is crying on the other side of the room)

We then helped her feel better about missing her mom. It was a wonderful lesson in empathy. They both played together later in the day as well, which was the first time at school the two of them ever played together. Kids engaged in superhero play use their imagination and learn to work well with others.

Setting limits

Superhero play, like other kinds of play, can become emotionally or physically harmful. So as parents and teachers, it is our job to guide play when it no longer solves problems or helps others. Children don’t know their physical limits and sometimes that means that they hurt others. We want to show them how to start play and how to be conscientious of others needs in the game.

  • Establish rules from the start. For example, no pointing sticks or other props used as weapons directly at another person. These rules may need to be discussed several times. Listen to feedback. Kids can find creative ways to satisfy their interests while following directions and being safe.
  • Be specific about what aggressive behavior is. Is it touching another person’s body? Is it using certain harmful words?
  • Respond accordingly either by interrupting the play to stop aggressive behavior or talking about it afterward. The discussion can also address the story created, children who felt excluded and interesting twists and turns in the plot.
  • Make sure there is an appropriate amount of space for safe play.
  • Talk to the kids about real-life heroes, both male and female, and focus on their positive characteristics — for example, helpfulness, perseverance and diligence.
  • Use this play as an opportunity to build problem-solving skills. When there is an issue, resist resolving it for the children. Ask for their ideas.
  • Be positive. Acknowledge children’s new accomplishments and skills. Help them feel powerful.

-posted by Teacher Aaron, who if he could have a super power, it would be getting up in the morning without coffee.

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